Generations of Bad Parenting
by B1udman
Summary: A series of one shots between the 1st gen parents and 10th gen kids . Chapter 6: LAW AND ORDER - DISCIPLINARY COMMITTEE PART 2 IS FINALLY HERE! In this one we reveal what Hibari uses a rec room for, Cozart's kicks are more epic than Chuck Norris and Van Damme put together, Reborn is the Riddler, EVIL Chrome returns, and the culprit is finally revealed including explosions!
1. I Should've Asked For A Boy

Haven't written in a while, I know. So maybe I'll update one of my other older stories (as soon as I remember where they were going). These are a series of one-shots in AU between the 1st and 10th family. I don't own Reborn or any of its characters.

Murkuro: 17

Chrome: 15

**Chapter 1: I Should've Asked For A Boy**

The Spade estate was eerily quiet this evening. Despite the drama that took place earlier, Daemon sighed as he couldn't wait to get into bed and drift into slumber with his wife, Elena. The blunette went to his personal wine cabinet and pulled out a glass of red wine for sip for himself and his beloved before he'd turn in (and maybe get a little action tonight.) Grabbing two glasses he proceeded to his bedroom before hearing the noise of someone quietly sobbing. The stealthy Daemon leaned against the wall and placed the wine and glasses gently on the floor as he slowly crept closer to the door.

"A-A-And… h-he came u-up to us… a-a-and… he… he… waaah…"

"Oh, Chrome, it's okay. He meant well; he's just having a hard time seeing his little girl grow up…"

Chrome choked up a little. "H-He scared him away… a-a-and now h-he won't t-t-talk to me… B-Boss said h-he'd get over it, b-but Murkuro said h-he d-d-did it for my own good…" she continued sniffing as Elena tried to comfort the girl, "… a-an-and it was t-t-to protect my innocence."

"Well, your father was wrong, and I'm going to have a talk with him when he comes back. Now, how about we get a snack and you go to bed. I promise everything will be fine in the morning."

Daemon looked sullenly on the floor after hearing that. He didn't overstep his bounds when he saw her with that boy, did he? He had little time to think it over as he heard footsteps within the room. The illusionist grabbed his glasses and wine and stumbled out of the hall before the two women would notice.

Vongola's senior illusionist scoffed as he walked toward the library. "That girl should be thanking me. She doesn't know what that… that… that… "thing" would've done to hear. If I was his age…" Daemon smirked at the thought of himself when he was 15; flirting, cuddling, kissing, grab assing, bra unhooking… Before his thoughts drifted any further, he grimaced at the thought of another boy doing that to Chrome, especially **him**. It'd be one thing if it was any frail thing from that high school, but **he** was **never** to be allowed to **court** his daughter. After all, he was that **bastard's** son. Just the thought made his scythe appear in his hands as he grinded his teeth loud enough to echo in the estate.

Elena and Chrome looked wearily around the kitchen as Daemon had grinded his teeth. "Is there a raccoon in the house?" Chrome adorably asked. Elena shrugged as she pulled out her cell phone and called for Daemon.

Murkuro yawned out of his room and followed the clawing of Daemon's teeth. The grinding was loud enough to wake the eldest child from his sleep. He sleepily looked at his father in his strange position. One had to wonder if his hair would stand up and glow gold under all that rage.

"If you get any madder, you may blow up the house and kill us all," Murkuro got his father's attention as he angrily glared at his son. The young Spade took a step back. "Before you decide ascend and kill the rest of us, might I ask why?"

Daemon glared at his son before asking him to sit in the library with him. The father glanced at his folded hands as wished he had that bottle of wine with him now to forget about this mess until the morning, but explaining to his wife why he chose to sleep on a vomit stained floor instead of her would be hassle. Looking up at his son, he shamefully asked, "Am I a bad father."

Murkuro gave the one response Daemon didn't expect at the moment: he chuckled. The young illusionist slid to the right as a Moby Dick novel flew past his head. "I'm being serious, boy! Do you think I'm a bad father?"

Murkuro's chuckling ceased as he gave his father a serious stare. Watching Daemon's mischievous smirk and sneaky eyes hiding in this shell of a man bothered him. He gave his son a sorrowful look and was surprised he was this concerned.

"Bad isn't the word to describe you. If I wanted a bad father, I'd ask go stay with uncle G," a slight smirk crept in Daemon's face after hearing that. "If we weren't Vongola, I'd swear child services would be there in seconds flat to take young Hayato away. Of course, no one would want someone that ugly." Murkuro was glad to keep that smirk on his father's face for a bit. "Is this because of what happened today with… **him**?" Murkuro bitterly spat out as Daemon nodded.

"It's not just him. You've seen your sister; she's growing up. She's a beautiful, elegant young woman in bloom in a world filled with filthy young men that'll try to take advantage of her. As the most important men in her lives, it is our duty to make sure she is not defiled by any of them, especially **him**," Daemon looked up and contemplated on what he told Chrome about boys…

_Three months ago_

Daemon walked into Chrome's room and watched as she was humming a tune and packing her book bag for her first day of high school tomorrow. He was so proud of his daughter – she was smart, talented illusionist, beautiful, and innocent. However, Elena kept reminding him that she was growing up, and eventually things would change in high school. She would change, and that was **NOT** acceptable.

"When you get to high school, Chrome, you're going to notice that some monkeys… urgh, boys… will try to get you to do things – physical things," Daemon sat beside Chrome on her bed as she tilted her had at her father.

"What kinds of things?"

"Bad things. Naughty things that if you allow them to do, you'll go to hell," Chrome's eyes bugged wide open as Daemon continued. "And each time you do those things with a boy, you'll go to hell and have a piece of skin peeled off you and roasted into a fine strip of bacon they'll make you eat, and you don't want that do you?" Chrome shook her head as her eyes welled up. "There's more Chrome, and I'm not leaving until you're well informed about how filthy and evil boys are."

"D-D-Does that mean it'll happen if I hugged boss or Murkuro?"

"Hugging your brother is different from what I'm talking about. He's family, and he has no intention of ever doing that to you, and Giotto's brat is too stupid to do something like that," Daemon rolled on. "Chrome, I'm your father and I'm looking out for your best interest at heart, and when the day comes that you decide you're ready to find love, I'll search the ends of the Earth for the perfect man for you. Spoiler though, that man doesn't exist…" Chrome began to cry after hearing that comment. The illusionist tried to calm his daughter down before…

"DAEMON!" Elena screamed as ran to Chrome's side. Daemon jumped back as his wife glared at him. "What are you telling her!"

"The things you didn't – about how filthy creatures boys are, how Satan will devour her skin like bacon if she decides to do those things with her, and no man in history will ever be good enough for her. Also, if she gets pregnant, she'll die…" Chrome's wailing got louder as Elena's glare intensified.

"Get out…"

"But Elena…"

"NOW!" Daemon darted out the room before he felt his wife's wrath.

_Back to the Present_

"My own daughter disregarded the facts of life and now she's paying for it. I've failed as a father… Argh, why couldn't she be a boy?" Daemon thought out loud.

"You have me, dad."

"I didn't want you, your mother did," he ignored Murkuro's shocked expression. "I asked for a girl because I knew if it was a boy he'd be as much of a hellraiser as I was when I was young. Sure enough you turned out a lot worse."

Murkuro lowered his eyes and scowled, "anything else you want to tell me other than me being a mistake?"

"You're a horrible human being and no one will love you, not even me. Your mother is just in denial and amusing you," Daemon watched Murkuro glare at him as he chuckled to himself. "Regardless, I need your help on how to handle Chrome and… **him**."

"Hmm, as much as I don't like it, she's going to become defiant and we're just going to have to accept it. Chrome…"

"No…"

"Has…"

"Don't you dare say it!"

"A…"

"That's it! I'm disowning you!"

"**Boyfriend.**" Murkuro smirked at his father's angry reaction. "Despite how I feel about him as well, would you rather it be one of those weakling, dumb jocks trying to grope innocent Chrome? His attitude and his issues with personal space will keep him in check from inappropriately touching her. If anything, you should worry she might instigate it."

Daemon looked at Murkuro in outrage. On the one hand, he knew his son was messing with him because of the comments he made. Still, what if his little angel wasn't as innocent as he believed? Not every girl in the school was as harmless or chaste as her, and they may even try to corrupt her.

"That's it; I'm pulling her out of that school."

"That won't work. Mother wouldn't allow it, and I doubt Chrome will accept it."

"Hmph. I'm the man of this house and what I say goes," Daemon confidently crossed his arms as Murkuro rolled his eyes.

"Why don't you remind that to mother?"

Daemon mumbled, "She told me not to say that in the house, and she laughed at the idea."

Murkuro smirked, "of course she did. Chrome is changing. She doesn't even want me to hover around her anymore. Granted, that's probably the doing of that Hana girl she's been hanging out with, but I'm trying to respect it. Not my fault I worry about her too. I've seen some of the girls at the high school; hell, I've been with a few of them."

Daemon smiled, "yes, you have my looks and my charm with the ladies, that's for sure. Not to mention my perfect hair."

"Yeah, perfect…" Murkuro rolled his eyes.

"Watch it, boy!"

"If you don't give Chrome her space, eventually she really does something you won't like. Just think about it…"

"Hmmm," Daemon contemplated as he placed his hand on his chin.

_Daemon's Imagination_

"Chrome, how did this happen!" Daemon looked at pregnant Chrome as she rubbed her belly.

"You know, I did a little this, and little that. And look, I'm not in hell and my skin is perfectly healthy!" she proudly remarked.

"You're pregnant!"

"Oh yeah, that. Well, it's not all that bad. I'll love him or her no matter what," she blushed at the idea.

Daemon gritted his teeth. "And what about the father?"

"Oh yeah. Well," she tapped her fingers together nervous on how to explain this to her dad, "As soon as I figure out who he is, we'll figure it out. I have a couple ideas."

"C-C-Chrome… why would you put yourself in that situation?"

"Because you didn't respect me to do the right thing! You hurt every boy I brought home, tried to keep me from leaving the house, and keep me from going to high school. Do you know what kind of hell that is?"

"I-I-I was just trying to protect you…"

"I don't need your ****ing protection!" Chrome yelled as Daemon stepped back appalled at his daughter.

"Don't you dare speak to me like that…"

"I'll speak to you however the **** I want! Now, I need to make a couple of phone calls to figure out who the daddy is," she walked away from her father while giving him the finger.

Daemon gritted his teeth so hard you can see chunks of calcium fall from his mouth. "I won't have a whore for a daughter!"

"Fine! I'm leaving, and after I have this kid, I'm going to be a stripper. And I'm going to like it! And I'm going to move in with one of my boyfriends. HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT YOU *******!" Chrome stomped out as Daemon slumped against the wall trying to figure out how his little girl got this way."

_Back to reality_

Murkuro watched his father space out for several minutes before coughing. Daemon jumped out his daydream and looked toward his son. "We must stop Chrome from becoming a whore!"

The young illusionist sighed. "You completely messed the point. How are you still alive?"

"Shut up."

"I was trying to say the tighter you hold onto her, the more likely she rebel. She has to make mistakes and you've got to trust her to do the right thing, and you have to respect her even if she makes questionable decisions."

Daemon looked at his son for a moment. He knew he was right. "Why do you know all this? DID YOU GET THAT M.M. GIRL PREGNANT!"

"W-What? NO!" Murkuro jumped back. "Although, I have been enough girls with daddy issues to know what **NOT** to do with Chrome."

Daemon got silent after hearing that. "You shouldn't bring any of those girls around your mother. You think I'm bad with Chrome, wait until she gets her hands on you!"

"Yeah, I've already had this problem with mom. Unlike you, she knows how to be discreet about it."

Daemon grunted as he heard footsteps coming down the hall. Elena walked in holding Chrome as the two men looked at them. The daughter shyly looked down having a hard time looked at her father.

"I-I'm sorry I didn't tell you, but I didn't think you'd be that angry. A-At least it's someone you know," Chrome quietly stated.

"Had it been someone else I wouldn't be as angry, but my archnemesis's son? It's… difficult to just think about. The last thing I need is that tonfa wielding…"

"Daemon," Elena glared at him as he stopped his rant.

"I'm sorry, but it's hard to see your angel grow up before your own eyes. Someday you'll understand if you ever have children… when you're 40, and married. Any younger and you'll combust into flames and go straight to hell…" he regretted saying it as Chrome jumped back wide-eyed. Elena's glare intensified as Murkuro smacked his head.

"You're an idiot."

"Start packing boy. I don't want to see you in the morning. Otherwise… POW!"

"Daemon, go to bed."

"But Elena… I-I'm the man of this house, and w-what I s-say…"

"Shut up and go to bed."

"Yes ma'am," the Spade patriarch lowered his head and slid out the library. The said man of the house was defeated today, but he was sure he'd learn something on how to handle Chrome and her "future endeavors" better. Although, he was going to have to sharpen his scythe before she'd bring any of her suitors home. You can never be too sure what those boys might have on their mind. He gave a vile smirk as he returned to the bedroom.


	2. The Secret Truth About Women

So, the 2nd of four chapters has arrived. So many ideas. So many bad ideas, but among them was this one. Let me further explain this AU before I continue. The only two members of the 1st generation family that are married are Daemon and Giotto. Giotto and Nana are married in this; Iemestu is Giotto's lazy brother and Tsuna's dead beat uncle. Other than that, enjoy. I do not own Reborn or any of its characters.

Tsuna: 14 (High School)

Haru: 14 (High School)

**Chapter 2: The Secret Truth About Women**

Giotto was the happiest man in the world. He was leader of the most powerful and respect mafia family in the world, he had a sexy loving wife (whom he stole from his bitter brother, Iemetsu), and an adorable son who could do no wrong. In his eyes, life was perfect…

"Waaaaahhhh!" that perfect world came crashing down after hearing Tsuna's scream.

"_Oh god, oh god! Someone's kidnapping Tsuna!" _Giotto ran down the halls of his mansion for his son. He heard a loud door slam and sped up believing it was a gun shot.

"Hang on Tsuna, I'll rescue y… UMPFH!" at that moment Giotto was down for the count as he had been headbutted by a running, screaming Tsuna… in the nuts. The blonde groaned and held his crotch moaning in pain. "W-Who t-threw the f-f-football…"

Tsuna, who'd crashed on the ground at the same time as his father, went to check up on him. "Dad, I'm so sorry! I-I was being chased by that crazy girl again!" Giotto was too focused on his damaged crotch to pay attention to his son. The brunette ran toward his father and shook him for a while. "Please get up!"

"Can't. Sorry son, looks like you won't be getting a sibling this Christmas either."

As if the situation couldn't get worse, there was a banging on the door. "Tsuna-san, Haru just wanted to give her famous Haru Haru Dangerous Muffins! I promise they're delicious. Kyoko thinks so."

"Eeeee!" Tsuna screeched. "No… habla English. Tsuna no home. Come back… other day, crazy *****," Tsuna poorly disguised his voice to a Hispanic woman.

"That's horrible you know," Giotto remarked.

"She won't go away; what do I do? She's my friend, but it's hard to talk to her because she keeps clinging to me and calling me her future husband. It's too much. What if Kyoko thinks Haru and I are dating? I-I can't have that, but I don't want to hurt Haru."

Giotto let out a small smile. _"I knew someday that Sawada adorability gene would be our undoing. Sure enough, my son will be its next victim.__ Why must God bless us with accursed beauty?__"__ Giotto mentally shakes a fist in the sky._ The two jumped up when the door banging started again.

"At least let Haru drop off the muffins," Giotto pleasantly remarked.

Nana walked by overhearing their conversation and headed towards the door. "I'm surprised none of you boys opened up for this sweet girl. You really should try her muffins, Tsuna. It's the polite thing to do."

"Eeee! I-I-I don't want to try her muffins! Who knows where they have been!" Tsuna trembled.

"Well, they can't be that bad."

"Dad, you don't understand! She takes cooking lessons from Bianchi!" the young teen watched as his father became terrified.

"Eeeeee!" panicking, Giotto felt the world turn to slow motion as he saw Nana grab the doorknob. "Na-na, noooooo!" Tsuna's hands pressed up against his cheeks as Haru walked through the door with a smile on her face holding a basket of purplish looking muffins. The pair could see the toxic, fuchsia fumes radiating from its hardened, violet form. The younger Sawada could've sworn there were cockroaches trapped in its tough, hardened form. Obviously they were dead.

Giotto's look became a serious one as he watched the women converse with one another. He turned to Tsuna with a plan. "Tsuna, it's time to initiate operation natsu! We have to hurry and get rid of the muffins of mass destruction before we're invaded by the U.N. I didn't think a threat like this could infiltrate my home so easily. We do this not just as Vongola, but father and son. THIS THREAT MUST BE THWARTED!"

"I'm with you dad!" Tsuna felt confident as the two tried to get up and run before the terrorist and her captive saw them.

"Tsuna-san! Mr. Sawada! How are you doing?" the terrorist caught up to them within seconds. She'd pounce on Tsuna in a loving hug as he became petrified by fear staring at the toxic muffins in front of him.

"Save me," he whispered in a low tone toward his father. He had disappeared before the brunette's eyes as he pulled the captive into the kitchen. _"Ah! My father betrayed me!" _

Giotto dragged Nana in the kitchen as she was confused on what's going on. "Giotto, why are you acting so strange?"

"Long story short, you brought our son's stalker and her weapons of mass destruction in our home! Now the U.N. has a reason to call for a nuclear strike in Nanimori!" he panicked.

Nana chuckled at her husband. "Don't be silly. It's adorable our son has such a loving girlfriend. He's just gushing in excitement!" Nana glowed. Suddenly they heard a girlish shriek. "Oh look, Tsuna must've had her muffins."

"That screech was Tsuna! He's in danger. Nana, get my cape! I have to protect our son…"

"Nooo you don't," Nana grabbed Giotto as he was dragged into the living room. "Let's give them some space."

"A-Aren't you afraid she'll kill him or take his innocence!"

"Don't be silly. Tsuna is a perfect gentleman, and stop acting like Haru is one of those hitmen that come after you."

"Of course she's not a hitman. She's a terrorist with her terror muffins and she uses stalking terror tactics to terrorize our son! It's TERRIBLE!" Giotto flapped his arms like a madman as Nana chuckled.

"Oh, Giotto. You're so hilarious. I promise it'll be fine," with perfect timing, Haru came in the room panting.

"Help! Tsuna-san passed out and is foaming at the mouth!" Tsuna's parents looked at one another before rushing with Haru to Tsuna's side.

"Haru was feeding Tsuna one of her delicious muffins, and he was talking about being nervous about tasting Haru's muffin. Hasn't Tsuna ever had a muffin before? Haru didn't know Tsuna was a muffin virgin," her wording caught both Nana and Giotto off guard as they tripped midway in their sprint. "Then Tsuna bit the muffin and told me how spectacular it was! Then he took small bites when I looked at him! He looked so happy and said something about dying… Haru thinks he was saying, 'these muffins are so good I've died and gone to heaven.' He said it all in one long short breath before he started foaming from the mouth."

The three of them arrived and saw Tsuna in an awkward position on the ground. His neck was twisted halfway, his eyes cross-eyed, mouth gaped open and foaming, left arm hanging in the air, legs bent as though he was trying to stand up, and most disturbing thing was his torso turned 180 degrees sloping down. He looked as though he was possessed.

"TSUNA!" Nana and Haru yelled as the young teen called 9-1-1, while Nana ran to her little boy's side.

"Oh my God!" Giotto turns to Nana. "Call a Knuckle; he can exorcise the demon muffin out of him…"

"Haru's muffins are not demonic!"

"Why does he look like he's possessed by the devil!"

"M-Maybe Satan had him before he had Haru's muffins…"

"EVERYONE SHUT UP THE HELL UP AND HELP MY LITTLE BOY!" Nana screamed as she began crying.

Both Haru and Giotto stopped talking as they awaited a response from the hospital and Knuckle. "Also call Daemon; this seems like something in his territory being… you know, being a demon worshipping douche."

_(Four Hours Later)_

Tsuna woke up in Nanimori hospital with a sore back, neck brace, and his left arm in a sling. He moaned in pain as he tried to turn and look over his surroundings. All he could see was white on the walls, his cast and bed, and the machines he was hooked up to. As far as he was concerned, this was the worst day in his life. He'd rather be "bitten to death" by Hibari than go through that again. If he knew his day was going to be bad, why couldn't Kyoko be the one to bring him the demon muffins instead?

Using his peripherals, he saw his father standing beside him with puppy dog eyes staring at him. "Tsuna, you okay pal?"

"Yeah. What happened?" he spoke in a hoarse voice.

"Well, the officially and ironically named 'Haru Haru Dangerous Muffin' was pumped out of your stomach… after two hours. Knuckle had to exorcise whatever cursed ingredient Bianchi put in the muffin, and Alaude is currently using all his efforts to keep the recipe out of enemy hands. He wanted to it into a weapon, but I forbid it. Apparently he had an idea for "Red Riding Hood Soldiers," whatever that is. He's still working on the name. DADDY'S SO GLAD YOU'RE ALIVE!"

An emotional Giotto latched himself on Tsuna as he cried in pain. "ARGH! DAD! LET GO! AAGG!"

"A-Ah, sorry! Daddy's just glad you safe and sound. I am talking to Tsuna, right?" he eyed his son cautiously.

"Yes."

"Okay then," Giotto pulled up a chair by his son's bed and sat down. "Your mother is outside talking to Elena. She's been freaked out over the whole ordeal. Haru's been trying to get in the hospital and but Kyouya, Hayato, and Murkuro have been resilient in keeping her out. She actually tried to build a catapult to get in; only made it to the second floor. Off by five, but you got to respect her resilience!"

Tsuna frowned upon hearing that. "I-I know Haru meant well, b-but she shouldn't be punished for trying to do something nice. Why do girls do things like that? They do things like that for Gokudera and Yamamotto even if sometimes they're stand-offish like Gokudera. I don't think Yamamotto is interested in any of them either, but they still do it. I don't get it."

Giotto smirked upon hearing his son's curiosity. "Tsuna, you don't know much about women. I should've started teaching you about the mysterious and bizarre sex as soon as you became as adorable as you are."

"Mom said I was this adorable since I was born."

"Which means you have 15 years of advice to catch up with!" Giotto spoke with a smile. "I'll start with the universal truth about women. This one truth will be the greatest of advice you'll ever receive because it answers the how and why women do what they do. Are you ready to learn, son?"

Tsuna gripped the bed with his right hand and whispered, "Yes." It was like he was learning the secret of life from his father. This great man who conceived and raised him was going to give him advice powerful enough for him to handle any woman! Maybe it'll help him get Kyoko! He was excited.

Giotto went to the windows and closed the shades. He went to the hospital door and barricaded it with his chair. Turning back to his son, he gave him a serious stare as the air became heavy with anticipation.

"Sawada Tsunayoshi… the one piece of advice about women that trumps all others that all of man **AND** woman kind has come to accept is that… bitches be crazy."

For several minutes the room was silent. Tsuna had just absorbed that quote into his mind, and as he thought about it, it explained almost every situation he could think of with every woman he has ever interacted with. His mom, Auntie Elena, Chrome, Lal Murch, Bianchi, and Haru… they were all crazy. None of this chaos would've happened hadn't been for them. They were the real reason why he ended up in crazy adventures, broken in a hospital bed every three weeks, pissing his pants every two, and once a year, he'd crap his pants because they instigate or do something that overwhelm him so bad that'd he lose his lucky undies (which ironically coincides the same time he'd crap himself.)

"So you mean to tell me, if Haru was stable…"

"She would've asked an actually cook to teach her than a crazy chick whose very touch can poison and kill a man…"

"And if Chrome was normal…"

"Daemon's ass would've been kicked by now…"

"What about Lal?"

"She and Colonello would be married and have two normal kids now instead of being two single, weird nymphomaniacs I **NEVER** want you seeing or doing the things they do… They are just disgusting…"

"Even mom?"

"Well, your mom is lower on the crazy scale than the others. After all, denial and delusion is a powerful weapon, especially against a lie detector."

"Auntie Elena isn't crazy. She's sophisticated, beautiful, smart…"

"**She married Daemon**. That's all the proof you need."

"When you think about it… it makes a lot of sense! Well, all but one thing. Why doesn't Kyoko like me? She can't be crazy too… she's too perfect."

Giotto slowly slid an arm around his son and smirked at him. He obviously had an answer for that. "Kyoko is like your mom; she's in denial. After all, you're my son; you're too adorable to turn down. So don't feel bad that she's not seeing what Haru is seeing. If anything, maybe the one girl you should be looking for has been looking at you for a while. I mean after all, she made cupcakes that could bring any nation to their knees, and she did it for **you**."

"So, you're saying I should give Haru a chance? Like a date?"

"I'm saying it's your choice. It's all about how you feel about her. You two are already friends, so consider that first. The one thing I'm going to have to ask though, regardless of what you do, is to **please get her to take REAL cooking lessons**. Next time she'll bring cookies that'll trigger a zombie apocalypse. If there is anything to learn from 'The Walking Dead,' 'Resident Evil,' 'High School of the Dead,' and 'Dawn of the Dead,' is that **we will NEVER be ready to fight off against zombies.** You could have a hundred of me or a thousand Vongola guardians but if one or two of us gets bit, that's going to be hell," Giotto began to get hysterical and shook his son. "YOU MUST STOP HARU FROM COOKING! Oh god, Lampo bit your mother! The sky is burning!"

_**SLAP!**_

Giotto's face was marked red as his seething son slapped his father with his good hand. "You were losing it… AND YOUR KNEE IS ON MY ARM!" Tsuna looked down at his broken left arm as it appeared to try to run away from his own body as it clawed at the sheets outward to the door. "I'm not doing that, dad." A shocked Giotto ran out to the hall and called for the doctors before his son's arm ran away from his body.

_The Next Day…_

A beautiful, sunny Saturday afternoon wouldn't be wasted by anyone indoors; unfortunately for Sawada Tsunayoshi, he was trapped in the hospital due to eating bad muffins. For the rest of his life, he'll have a phobia of muffins. This adds to another of embarrassing fails of the future Vongola boss. The brunette sighed as he looked outside. Suddenly, there was a knock on the door.

"T-T-Tsuna-san… I-It's Haru. Can I come in?"

For a second, Tsuna hesitated. He'd actually feared Haru was walking in with the formula to the zombie apocalypse in another basket of baked goods. Still, he needed to remedy this. "S-Sure, Haru." Turning to his side, Tsuna prayed, _"__Dear God, please don't let my uncle Lampo eat my brain. He's a good man, and I wish to spare him from becoming a dead head and biting me. We all know if zombies break out they'll go for him first because he's lazy. Whatever you do, just don't let Haru zombify the world."_

One of Tsuna's current fears came true – Haru walked in with a basket of baked goods. _"Eeeeeee!"_ Tsuna's monitor had begun to beep louder and faster as Haru walked closer.

"W-What's wrong? Do I need to get a nurse?" Tsuna shook his head as Haru calmed down. When she noticed him stare at the basket, she replied, "It's from the cafeteria down stairs. They're brownies."

The young Sawada wasn't sure how to respond; he believed Haru wouldn't lie to him so he gave her the benefit of the doubt and allowed her to stay. If a zombie apocalypse did break out because he at her brownies, he'd take responsibility for it and accept any bullet or blunt object smashing his head.

Haru grabbed a chair and sat close to Tsuna. Haru had taken a brownie and took the first bite to ensure Tsuna it was safe. When Tsuna saw her smiling and not turning into a possessed monster, he stared at the brownies hoping to have one. Noticing this, the young girl grabbed a brownie and held it out to Tsuna. He accepted it as she fed it to him. The two smiled as he enjoyed having a treat not trying to tear him apart from the inside out.

Playing with the helm of her skirt, Haru sadly looked at Tsuna. "H-Haru wants to…"

"You don't have to say it, Haru. I forgive you. J-Just next time, ask my mom to help you bake. I'm sure she'd like the company," Tsuna smiled at her as Haru let out a small blush before the two continued eating brownies.

Tsuna wasn't sure how to approach Haru at this point. She'd always be his friend, but anything more was difficult to determine. However, with the entire time she'd been with him in the hospital, it was the first time in years that his focus wasn't on Kyoko; to the future sky guardian, Haru's presence was a breath of fresh air, and he'd hope to be around it more often no matter how crazy it'd make him.


	3. Law and Order Disciplinary Committee 1

Anyone who has already read this might be interested in reading it again. This is chapter 3.5, new content and revisions due to my displeasure of how this chapter went and the 2nd part of it. Anyone who hasn't read this yet will love it. This is a tribute to Dick Wolf and a parody of his most famous sitcom series and its spinoffs. Also, cop shows in general. A lot of cursing this chapter. A lot of violence. Not so much lawyer work though. I do not own Reborn or the Bad Boys song.

**Law and Order – Disciplinary Committee Pt.1**

_In the Vongola's war on crime, unruly herbivores swarm the streets and schools of an innocent town. In Nanimori, there exist two types of people: the herbivorous offenders stupid enough to commit these crimes, and the carnivores that beat them for their idiocy. These are their stories._

**Outside the Spade Household – Friday 9 P.M.**

"I had a nice time, Kyoya," Chrome let go of the cloud guardian's waist as she stepped off his parked motorcycle. She smiled and looked deep in his eyes. Although he was rather a distant character, she knew he deeply cared for him.

Kyoya glanced at her trying to find the words to express how he felt. He was not a touchy feely person, but with Chrome he felt he could try to open up to her; the concept was foreign to him, so his only response to her was, "hn."

The illusionist could decipher his subtly after three months of dating. While she didn't understand it in the beginning, she started to understand his small gestures, the tone, and the timing of it. To her, she could tell he was glad too.

"We'll do this again next Friday; I know this shrine outside of town we could… have a picnic, " the idea was farfetched to him, but the fact he heard women like these kinds of things was something would at least try for Chrome. She was worth going that extra mile for.

The mist guardian blushed and nodded as he held her hand at the moment. Hibari pulled Chrome closer to him as the two kissed. Neither of them wanted to let go despite it being a few minutes past her curfew. After he initiated the kiss, she went further by sitting on his lap and wrapping her arms around him.

Inside the Spade household was Daemon, seething in rage as he sat in the pitch black living room smoking a cigar. Despite learning of his daughter's "betrayal," he was still not used to seeing her intimate with a boy; with every date she's had with Hibari, it seemed as though she was becoming more defiant of the small rules he'd place on her courting. At first he believed it was the skylark's fault, but eventually he had come to realize she had some part of it too. It hurt him deeply, but he would never show it or say it out loud.

"Why is there smoke in the house? Murkuro, are burning something in the kitchen?"

"No, mother. I'm in the bathroom. Why would I be cooking in the bathroom?"

"I didn't know you were in there. I'm sorry."

Murkuro, sitting on his "defiled" throne, sniffed the air and noticed its aroma. "It's one of father's cigars. Such a disgusting smell." He sat up from the toilet as he sprayed air freshener in the bathroom.

"A lot better than what's going on in there," Elena motioned the air to rid of Murkuro's gas as she roamed the hallways trying to find the smoke. As the scent got stronger, she found the hallways getting darker and darker. She blindly entered the living room, bumping a table close to the entrance.

"Ow! God, that's horrible. Daemon? Sweetie, is that smell coming from you?" she called out to him with no response; she could feel something ominous in the room. Looking closer, she could see the ashes and flames of the cigar in the room. Faintly, Daemon's image appeared as he sat in a recliner aimed at the window. He looked like a true mob boss in the chair, but from the angle he was aimed in, he knew what he was looking at.

"Damnit, Daemon, put out that cigar!"

"Do you see it, Elena? That's your daughter out there in the middle of the street straddling that **boy**. It's disgusting."

"What?" Daemon's wife walked by the window and peeked out it as she saw Chrome and Hibari speaking and nuzzling each other's noses while she sat on his lap. "Awww, that's adorable."

"They were making out before you came! It was disgusting! It was…"

"…Like a normal teenager; now, stop being creepy before you get assassinated from sitting in that chair. Seriously, you look like a villain off a Spider Man."

"Not Spider Man 3. I hate Spider Man 3…"

"SPIDER MAN 3 WAS ART! The Peter Parker character was fabulous in it!"

"Damnit boy, shut up! Once again you prove how little taste you have in anything! Stop disappointing me." Daemon yelled out the room at Murkuro.

Chrome and Hibari looked up from their make out session toward the window of the Spade household. Faintly, the skylark noticed the figure behind the glass. Smirking, the cloud guardian fiercely went from Chrome's lips as she replied the same before he went a grabbed her butt as she blushed and let out a moan.

"Alright that's it!" Daemon stood up as he conjured his scythe.

"He saw you, Daemon. He clearly did it to spite you. Don't go out there and make it worse."

"It's already worse!" Elena pulled the furious father aside and took his scythe.

"Go to bed, and I'll handle this."

Daemon moaned as Elena yelled, "Give me the revolver."

"I-I-I don't have one…"

"NOW!" she held out her hand as he gave her a firearm and walked off. "Give me the **real** revolver, Daemon."

"Oh come on! Alaude won't miss him."

"Yes he will, and so will Chrome. She'll hate you for the rest of your life, Alaude will kill you, and I'll have to end up in the arms of another lover. I hear Cozart is single…"

Daemon gritted at that reply. He handed her the real revolver and marched off barking about the Shimon's idiot boss. Elena noticed Murkuro going for the door.

"No."

"B-But…"

"You're your father's son, and knowing that alone tells me what you're going to do. Go to bed, and give me your trident."

"B-But I have to…"

"NOW! And don't pull an illusion on me. I'm your mother and I know better."

Murkuro grunted and mumbled as he handed his mother his trident and stomped off to bed angry. A minute later Chrome entered the house surprised how dark it is. She clutched her purse tightly as she noticed her mother with an assortment of weapons in her arms.

"You didn't kill father and Murkuro, did you? She gripped the door knob ready to run out the house.

"No, but I suggest whatever you're doing with Hibari you tone down before either of them actually attempt to kill him," Chrome nodded as she returned to her room.

Daemon looked down at Hibari from his bed room window as he watched the skylark start his motorcycle and speed off. He devised a plan on how to put the skylark in his place. "I'll get you, Kyoya. You will not spoil my daughter's innocence. Fufufuffufufu…"

"When we got married, you promised me no more sociopathic laughing otherwise this marriage wouldn't happen. It still stands."

"I'm sorry," the illusionist lowered his head and returned to bed.

**CEDEF Base of Operations – Saturday 7 P.M.**

Iemitsu strolled through the halls of the CEDEF base as if he had owned it. The man glowed with pride as he did a little dance in the hall and flirted with the few women (excluding Lal Mirch) in the group. It didn't matter as long as Alaude never found out (he already had two strikes for acts of sexual harassment).

"Master, master!" Iemitsu turned around as Basil ran up to him. His apprentice panted as he tried to catch his breath. "Mr. Alaude requests your presence."

"Damn," a defeated Iemitsu walked toward the cloud guardian's office. It always seemed like his boss knew the perfect moment to ruin his mood, and his sex life. "What's this about now?"

"Tis about commander Lampo's pilgrimage to America. He's errand has been complete and tis travelling back with documents of his travels and conversations with the merchants."

"Oh yeah; that's a surprise. The spoiled brat actually finished a mission without incident. Then again there was no combat involved was there?" Basil shook his head as Iemitsu raised his eyebrow. "Weird."

"I know."

As the two approached Alaude's office, the CEDEF founder was already in the middle of his own conversation. "Tomorrow at 8… I'd like that… Hn… Whatever. Bye." Iemitsu knocked on the door as Alaude composed himself and announced, "enter."

Iemitsu walked in with Basil behind him. "Oh, boss, what's going on? Couldn't help but hear another one of your Sunday night meetings going on."

"Meetings? What's thou mean?" Basil curiously tilted his head as Iemitsu admired his adorability.

"_Not__e to self: Make sure this kid is NOT mine. There's a little bit of the Sawada curse in him. If he isn't mine… he is a threat that MUST BE ELIMINATED. Only the Sawada family can be the most adorable people in existence. Even god cannot handle all this sexy."_

Alaude glared at Iemitsu as he did his "sexy dance" in the middle of his office. The blonde bounced and juggled his shoulders as he sung a small tune to himself. Be began to sensually take off his clothes and rub his pec's as Basil backed away slowly.

"MASTER IS POSSESSED!"

"No, he's just a fucking idiot," grabbing the nearest thing, Alaude launched it at his right hand man. Needless to say, the stapler struck him on his forehead and pushed him towards the door. A small red mark was on his forehead as the eldest Sawada rubbed his head.

"OW! Why'd you do… that…" he noticed Alaude glaring at him as he wished he could run out the room as soon as possible. He looked down at himself and saw his shirt and blazer unbuttoned revealing his tanned chest, and his belt on the floor with his fly zipped down.

"Look here, Magic Mike, do… whatever that is on your own time and not near me or children. God, don't ever do that in front of children."

"Thou's eyes hast been scorched! Thou wish he could unsee his master in such a position," Basil ran out the room screaming.

"That's your third strike, Iemitsu…"

"Oh come on! I was in another place; you know that the Sawadas…"

"Not the Sawadas, just you and your sick vanity. Listen for one minute and get out of my sight afterward. Tomorrow at 3 P.M. Lampo's flight is coming in and I need you to escort him back to the base. Are you competent enough to do that without stripping?"

Iemitsu dressed himself and became serious. "Yes I can. You can trust me, but if the mood strikes and the ladies need to be cheered up…"

"… They'll find it somewhere else, but not from you. Definitely not from you… leave…"

"Boss, that hurts so much when you say things like…"

"NOW!" the door slammed shut as the older Sawada ran out the room. The platinum blonde fell back in his chair and revealed his cell phone. He dialed a number and got a woman's voice on the phone.

"Alaude? Hey baby. How are you?"

"…He did it again…" the cloud guardian stroked his forehead in frustration.

"Oh… Oooooohhhhh. I'm so sorry. Want me to make him disappear?"

Alaude thought it over. "…Not yet. Giotto would have a problem with it, but lately he's wanted to distance himself from him. Let me work on that, then you can make him disappear. I want to watch you do it when that time comes."

"Didn't know you were into that kind of thing."

"Only when you do it."

Outside Alaude's office, Basil turned the corridor as he was leaving the base. Iemitsu's apprentice spoke on his cell phone to Ryohei. "Tomorrow? But thou might get in trouble and punished if we trespass upon his territory. Thou doesn't want to be bitten."

"It'll be so EXTREME though! Besides, Hibari and I are EXTREME friends so he's cool with it. Besides, Sawada and the others are going."

"Does Hibari know?"

"He's EXTREMELY cool with it for sure. Be there around 8 outside the gate… EXTREME!"

"Thou doesn't like where this is going…"

**Hibari Estate – Sunday 8:00 P.M.**

"Duh da duh da da da! Duh da duh da da… dododo! Dododo! DO… da da da dadada! Duh da duh…"

**SMACK!**

Murkuro rubbed the back of his head as he looked at his father. "Why the hell would you do that?"

"Because it's annoying and loud! You're trying to get us caught by the CEDEF! God, my son continues to fail in every shape and form!" Daemon, disguised in all black along with his son, ran through the bushes and avoided every single trap on the Hibari mansion. The older mist guardian carried a heavy, black duffle bag as the two ran over to the side of the house.

Murkuro eyed his father's bag as he unzipped it. "Is what's in that bag going to get me convicted for life in prison?"

"Don't be ridiculous, Murkuro. Now," Daemon passes a canteen of gasoline to Murkuro, "go over there and start pouring it around the garage. Today it ends! HAHAHAHAHAHA!" Daemon manically laughed as he took another tank of gasoline and ran around pouring it over the house and lawn.

Murkuro jumped and panicked over his father's insanity. "I agree that Hibari needs to suffer, but after mom got all scary, I don't think this is the way to deal with it."

"Yes it is, boy. There is one truth in the world you need to know, Murkuro," Daemon withdraws a match and lights it," FIRE FIXES EVERYTHING! HAHAHAAHA!"

"No!" the young illusionist blows out the light before his father committed arson. "I knew you'd go bonkers so I came up with my own plan. So, why don't you let me do that and let the chips fly in the morning. Here's what's going to happen," the blunette whispers something in his father's ear as his glare softened.

"Fine. However, if this plan backfires, I'm selling you for some magic beans. There's no possible way they can disappoint me."

Murkuro rolled his eyes. "Fine. Here's what I need you to do…"

As the father-son duo discussed their plan, the garage door opened from the west side. A motorcycle and two riders raced out of the property as the Murkuro and Daemon hid from its presence.

"Damn! Do you think they saw us?" Murkuro looked at his father.

"Doesn't matter, it's do or die. Let's go!" the two proceeded inside the garage before the door closed. As they entered the garage, they were unaware of six teenagers climbing the gate and into the estate. A brown haired boy fell over and landed on a red head as they made their way.

**Hibari Estate – Monday 6:30 A.M.**

Alaude had finished grooming himself as he prepared for work. One of the maids came in a handed him a newspaper as he thanked them and went on his way. The platinum blonde had an uneasy feeling when he didn't notice his son's presence earlier. He never knew his son to be so lax and was concerned he'd begun slacking off from his daily routine; although he was told it was to be expected as a teenager, he knew his son was better than that.

_**CRASH!**_

Alaude paused and turned to the west corridor of the estate. One of the maids ran to him panting. "M-Mr. Hibari. It's the young master. Something's happened in the garage!"

The cloud guardian raced to the garage and was appalled at what he saw. Kyoya's motorcycle was destroyed as the skylark seethed and had a tantrum. "What happened?"

The younger cloud guardian looked at his father with a furious look on his face. "We've been infiltrated!"

A stoic Alaude examined the scene in front of him. None of the other vehicles were tampered with; only Kyoya's customized motorcycle was in ruins. It looked as though someone crashed it into a wall. It could be repaired, but with all the modifications on it, the price would be higher than usual.

"Clearly you were the intended target," Alaude turned to one of his servants, "I want the CEDEF called for an emergency meeting at my estate. Call Iemitsu first. I also want the rest of the Vongola notified of the situation. The fact someone breached my security system is unacceptable. The culprit will be arrested."

"No, they'll be bitten to death ten times over!" Kyoya complained.

"Arrested."

"Bitten."

"Arrested!"

"Bitten!" Kyoya didn't have time to fight with his father. He was right about the investigation, but he was more interested in the breached security than his bike.  
"I'll deal with finding the culprit. My bike shall be avenged! The disciplinary committee will handle this."

"Stupid child. This is a matter for adults to handle. The CEDEF will handle the case of an attack on one of our own. If anyone is stupid enough to try to take my son, I'll see it that they'll end up arrested, beaten, and disemboweled."

Kyoya smirked at his father's words. "That… is acceptable, but I will conduct my own investigation in the matter. You and I have two different ideas of an investigation."

"Hm. Do whatever you want. I'll be the one to catch the culprit."

"Do you think it was an inside job?"

"Of course. That's why I'm gathering our allies; weed out the ones closest to us first. It involves crowded, but it brings the herbivore foolish enough to vandalize us to my fist in their jaw."

The idea of crowding did not appeal to Kyoya, but if it brought his nemesis closer to him he would not complain; not yet anyway. Thinking about it further, the skylark composed of names he'd personally investigate. "Hibird," the tiny canary flew in the room calling out his owner's name.

"What are you doing?" Alaude curiously looked at Kyoya.

"Getting my allies together to properly investigate this. You prefer the defensive method, I prefer," he put on his shades afterward, "taking the offense."

"WAAAAAAAOOOOOOOOHHHHHH!" Hibari's cell phone screamed as he answered.

"Tetsuya."

"Hibari, has something happened? You're not on campus!"

"Something has. Get the committee to my estate right away."

As Hibari walked away, Alaude withdrew his cell phone and dialed in an unknown number. "Remember that thing that happened last night? Yeah, I suspect as much to happen. Call Reborn. We have to handle the situation before Kyoya terrorizes the city."

The woman spoke in a serious tone, "you do realize if this happens people will find out about us. Especially…"

"We'll handle this carefully so he doesn't find out and get jealous, but the Kyoya situation is damage control that needs to be handled first; Reborn will be our solution to this problem…"

**Hibari Estate – 8 A.M.**

"Why are you filming this?" Kyoya closely looked at one of the henchmen in the backseat with a camera.

"I figured in serious cases like this having something to go back and look over as evidence might help this situation," Tetsuya remarked while driving.

"Hm. Do whatever you wish," the prefect calmly replied as the car turned the corner. "The four suspects follow a merging path to school. One of them will require chase to bring in. I plan on bringing that herbivore and its herd in."

Tetsuya frowned. "D-Do you mean…"

"EXTREME!"

Tetsuya jumped at the scream as he saw Ryohei jogged down the street releasing a flurry of practice jabs. The skylark smirked. "Herbivore number 4 sighted. Slow the car; proceeding to capture."

"Y-You really think he's the culprit? He's a little on the simple side…"

"The herbivore has attempted to trespass on my property to get bitten to death on purpose. For what reason I don't know, but clearly he has no sense of boundaries and is a possible culprit."

The cameraman zoomed in on an unsuspecting Ryohei as he jogged with earbuds on. The boxer felt the sudden vibrations on the ground as he turned back to see a corvette slow down to his speed beside him.

"H-Hibari! Hey, what's going on, EXTREME!" the sun guardian jubilantly spoke.

"I want to know your involvement with my motorcycle."

"M-Motorcycle? Your EXTREME ride? What happened?"

"Answer the question herbivore! You've trespassed on my property more times than I can count. Biting you to death only gets fun for so long."

Ryohei nervously noticed the camera filming the two as they came to a complete halt. "Look, I don't know what you're talking about. I'll EXTREMELY tell you if I hear something!"

"How about you get in this fucking car and you can tell me what you've been doing this weekend."

The boxer alarmingly looked at the three before turning the corner and bolting off. The cloud guardian gritted his teeth. "I knew that herbivore had something to do with this," Hibari turned to Tetsuya, "run him down."

Tetsuya gulped as he hit the accelerator as he nodded and turned the corner. He turned on the radio as they pursued the boxer. The passengers bounced and swayed in their seatbelts in his reckless driving.

_**Bad boys**__**  
**__**Whatcha want, watcha want**__**  
**__**Whatcha gonna do**__**  
**__**When Sheriff John Brown come for you**__**  
**__**Tell me**__**  
**__**Whatcha gonna do, whatcha gonna dooo**__**  
**__**Yeaheah**_

Ryohei turned back and yelled, "SOMEONE EXTREMELY HELP ME!" he turned close to a house and jumped the fence.

"D-Damn, he's going to get away!"

"Tetsuya, run through the yard."

"What! B-But Hibari…"

The skylark glared at his right hand man, "do it."  
_**  
**__**Bad boys, bad boys**__**  
**__**Whatcha gonna do, whatcha gonna do**__**  
**__**When they come for you**_

Tetsuya nodded and proceed to run down the fence. Ryohei ran around the pool as he could hear the car tear through the yard. "YOU'RE EXTREMELY INSANE!"

The boxer continues to go through yard after yard as the car tramples through lawns, fences, and equipment. It begins to slow down from the terrain and obstacles. Hibari was getting annoyed at the culprit's tactics.

"Go down this road," he pointed, "then take a left through Irie's yard."

Tetsuya followed his orders as Ryohei was relieved when he saw they went another way. The boxer stopped to catch his breath after having to outrun a car. He proceeded ahead to silently (as he called it) reach school. He withdrew his cell phone to call Tsuna.

_**When you were eight**__**  
**__**And you had bad traits**__**  
**__**You go to school**__**  
**__**And learn the golden rule**__**  
**__**So why are you**__**  
**__**Acting like a bloody fool**__**  
**__**If you get hot**__**  
**__**You must get cool**_

"T-Tsuna, be EXTREMELY careful! Hibari's gone mad! He tried to run me over and asked me about what happened on the weekend! I'm EXTREMELY confused! What's going on! I thought we were EXTREMELY careful!"

"My dad just told me someone trashed his motorcycle. He found out this morning! Oh God, he's coming for us!" Tsuna hung up immediately as Ryohei's eyes bugged out as he proceed to run back home.

"Screw this. I'm not EXTREMELY going to school today!" he ran the corner and headed back home. "I knew I should've EXTREMELY stayed home to play Mass Effect! I don't need to shit!"

_**Bad boys, bad boys**__**  
**__**Whatcha gonna do, whatcha gonna do**__**  
**__**When they come for you**_

Meanwhile, Tetsuya ran through the streets and headed to Irie's yard. Shouchi Irie heard the loud motor and wondered what was going on. When he saw a corvette heading closer to the yard, his life flashed before his eyes as he prayed to every god and demon to have his regular normal life back.

"S-Stop, this is not a road!" he ran back to his house screaming as the vehicle ran through his yard and made a left turn. "NNNNOOOOOOOO! MY MOM'S GOING TO KILL ME! WHY WOULD YOU DO UMPFH!" he was struck with one of Kyoya's tonfas as the car went by. Irie fell to the ground broken glasses and all.

_**You chuck it on that one**__**  
**__**You chuck it on this one**__**  
**__**You chuck it on your mother and**__**  
**__**You chuck it on your father**__**  
**__**You chuck it on your brother and**__**  
**__**You chuck it on your sister**__**  
**__**You chuck it on that one and**__**  
**__**You chuck it on me**_

They drove down the path to school when Hibari realized Ryohei had turned back. "The herbivore is has turned truant. He **must** be detained. Take a left and keep going. He will be on sight."

The cameraman gulped as Tetsuya went down the road. Eventually they caught up to Ryohei as the sun guardian made a left and cut down another yard. The skylark was getting frustrated.

"Make a right down the street. I'll cut him off myself," he turned to the cameraman. "Get ready to jump. Tuck and roll."

Tsuna, Gokudera, Yamamoto, and Enma were running down the street when the second generation boss was nearly run over by Tetsuya. When the sky guardian noticed Hibari, he screamed and yelled to the others, "RUN! IT'S HIBARI!"

_**Bad boys, bad boys**__**  
**__**Whatcha gonna do, whatcha gonna do**__**  
**__**When they come for you**_

Ryohei turned the corner and ran through Tsuna's group, knocking down Enma in the process. He was unaware of the corvette coming his way as the passenger door and front seat opened to reveal Hibari and the cameraman. The two of them jumped out the moving vehicle as the cameraman fell face first in hopes to protecting the camera; the cloud guardian flew out and tackled the sun guardian to the ground.

Hibari pushed Ryohei's face on the ground as he revealed handcuffs. "I'm detaining you for running like the cowardly herbivore you are, for trespassing on my property multiple times, for conspiracy of destroying my motorcycle, and for playing a shitty video game. No matter what happens, I'll bite you to death."

"MASS EFFECT IS NOT A SHITTY GAME! IT IS EXTREMELY THE GREATEST SERIES ON THE PLANET! HELP! HIBARI IS A MASS EFFECT HATER!" he pleaded as Hibari smacked Ryohei with his tonfas.

"Call of Duty is the greatest game made. Know your place you herbivore noob," while Hibari assaulted Ryohei, Enma struggled to get up as he witnessed the skylark's brutality. The cameraman filmed every moment of this as he was glad to had nothing to do with this.

_**Nobody naw give you no break**__**  
**__**Police naw give you no break**__**  
**__**Soldier naw give you no break**__**  
**__**Not even you idren naw give you no break**__**  
**__**Hehe**_

"I-I should've went with Adelheid earlier. It's dangerous to be around Tsuna's family," he got up and ran hoping Hibari didn't notice as he handcuffed Ryohei.

Tetsuya parked the car and proceeded to open the trunk. He carried Ryohei and threw him inside as the sun guardian screamed, "NOT EXTREME DUDE! NOT… EX…TREME!" Hibari came over and smashed his face with a tonfa before slamming the trunk shut.

"One herbivore down, four to go," he turned to see Enma run to catch up to Tsuna's group. The three ran inside and pursued the Shimon successor. "Slow down and wait for that herbivore to catch up to its herd. We'll get them all in one move."

_**Bad boys, bad boys**__**  
**__**Whatcha gonna do, whatcha gonna do**__**  
**__**When they come for you**_

As Tsuna and the others caught their breath, they noticed the school two blocks away. "Tsuna! Help!" the three turned and saw Enma as Tsuna sighed in relief.

That relief went away as the corvette was stalking Enma. "Eeeeeeee! He's already here!"

Enma turned and saw the car beside him as Hibari shot open his car door and knocked out Enma to the ground. "That's two herbivores."

_**Why did you have to act so mean**__**  
**__**Don't you know you're human being**__**  
**__**Born of a mother with the love of a father**__**  
**__**Reflections come and reflections go**__**  
**__**I know sometimes you want to let go**__**  
**__**Hehehe**__**  
**__**I know sometimes you want to let go**_

"Don't worry second, I'll handle this!" Gokudera eagerly stepped up as he angrily turned to Yamamoto, "protect him at all cost!"

"Oh, okay," he nervously laughed surprising everyone, "this game of Cops and Robbers is sure getting exciting!"

"NO IT'S NOT!" Tsuna screamed at his delusional friend, "Gokudera, get Enma too before we have to deal with Adelheid too!"

The storm guardian groaned as he watched Hibari detain Enma and threw him in the trunk with Ryohei. "H-He got turf-top in the trunk! Seriously, over a motorcycle! Thing was loud and ugly anyway!"

"WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT!" Yamamoto grabbed Tsuna's hand and ran off as the sky guardian yelled his outrage.

"We can't win the game if you get caught. The way I see it, if we get to school, Hibari will stop chasing us, and we win," he smiled. "See, easy."

The cloud guardian ran up to the storm guardian as he revealed his cambio form. "Yuri, attack! YURI BOMB!" the cat looked at Hibari, got scared, turned to Gokudera, and back at Hibari. With fear in his eyes, he jumped up and attached himself to Gokudera's face as he struggled to pull the cat off. The storm cat jumped off before his owner got tackled to the ground and pummeled by Hibari's tonfas.

"For resisting arrest, you will be bitten to death! Tetsuya, cut them off!"

"Right!" the corvette sped up to block Tsuna and Yamamoto's escape.

_**Bad boys, bad boys**__**  
**__**Whatcha gonna do, whatcha gonna do**__**  
**__**When they come for you**__**  
**__**Bad boys, bad boys**__**  
**__**Whatcha gonna do, whatcha gonna do**__**  
**__**When they come for you**__**  
**__**(You're too bad, you're too rude)**__**  
**__**(You're too bad, you're too rude)**_

The vehicle sped up and drifted to a stop in the middle of the street blocking the two guardians. The cameraman zoomed on Tsuna's frightened face.

"Heh, looks like he's going to piss his pants."

"EEEEEEE!" Yamamoto didn't let go of a screeching Tsuna as he threw the sky guardian over the car and slid over the hood.

"HEY! I GOT THIS WAXED YESTERDAY, ASSHOLE!" Tetsuya jumped out to grab Yamamoto before the rain guardian drop kicked Hibari's right hand.

He turned to Tsuna and yelled, "run!"

The brunette did as he was told as he was a block from the school. The cameraman got out and filmed Yamamoto as Hibari caught up and started fighting the guardian. The rain guardian revealed his sword and the two got into an epic fight as he held off Hibari's attacks.

"I'm surprised at you, herbivore. You've actually lasted longer than the other three of your herd, but I will get you."

"Heh, well best of luck to you, but I don't think any of us had anything to do with your motorcycle. I mean, we were there but…" Yamamoto held his ground.

"So you admit to infiltrating my household…"

"Yes, but I guarantee you…" Hibari's tonfa collided with Yamamoto's sword as he slid back from the attack, "huh, maybe I shouldn't have said that."

"You really are the dumbest of the herd. How have you survived this long?"

"By looking good and having the luck of Joey Wheeler," Yamamoto innocently smiled as Hibari charged at him again.

_**Bad boys, bad boys**__**  
**__**Whatcha gonna do, whatcha gonna do**__**  
**__**When they come for you**__**  
**__**Bad boys, bad boys**__**  
**__**Whatcha gonna do, whatcha gonna do**__**  
**__**When they come for you**_

Tsuna's efforts finally paid off as he arrived at school. He was greeted by a waving Kyoko as he smiled at her. "I MADE IT!" he withdrew his cell phone and called his father. "Dad, Hibari's gone mad!"

**Vongola Home Base 9 A.M.**

"Uh, really Tsuna, no shit!" Giotto watched as Alaude interrogated a blinged out Lampo.

"Look homie, I was out of the hood for three weeks to meet up with some of the crew over some slices, we got some bling," Lampo raised his chain, "got a cut," showing off his fade that said 'mafia life,' "getting mad paper, picking up some noise, and…"

Alaude kicked him in the face as the chair fell over with a tied up Lampo. "Look, the biggest crime here isn't the vandalism at my estate, it's you talking like an idiot and bringing this garbage in Nanimori. You should be arrested just for this level of stupidity."

"Damn homie, no need to be all physical and shit," Alaude threw duct tape on his mouth as Giotto clapped in the background.

"THANK YOU, ALAUDE! Ever since he came back from America he's just been annoying. Next time I'm sending him to Canada."

"What's Canada?"

"It's that imaginary place between America and Asgard," he got a skeptical looks from his cloud guardian. "What?"

"You do realize you're next in the interrogation, right?" Giotto gulped as Alaude inched closer to him.

"Tsuna, I'm a have to call you back later. If I don't make it, remember that papa loves you, and to make sure your uncle Iemitsu NEVER touches your mother," Giotto panicked as the last noise Tsuna heard was the sound of his uncle tackling his father to the ground.

**Nanimori High School – 9:10 A.M.**

A frightening Tsuna overheard the screams of his father as Alaude preceded his "interrogation." Kyoko approached him with concern on her face. "Tsuna, what's wrong?"

"EVERYTHING! We have to get inside!"

"B-But class doesn't start until 9:30…"

"Please, it's for your own safety…"

"Herbivore, turn around and face me," a beat up Hibari dragged an unconscious Yamamoto as he glared at Tsuna.

"Eeeeee! I-I didn't wreck your motorcycle!" the cloud guardian's glare intensified when he realized what he said. "OH CRAP!" he covered his mouth as he tried to run for the door.

Hibari launched his tonfa toward his foot and tripped the sky guardian instantly. Kyoko watched as Hibari handcuffed Tsuna and pulled him away from the school. He looked at Kyoko suddenly as Tsuna panicked.

"Where were you between Friday and Monday morning?"

"Me? I was at a sleepover with Haru and Hana out of the country. Uncle Knuckle took us to Tokyo because we did well this semester. So we got to see the pop star Nanami Keys with backstage passes, then we toured around the city. I got these earrings from Mr. Kawahira. He's weird."

Hibari stared at Kyoko for a minute before saying, "Okay. You're cleared."

"WHAT! WHY CAN'T YOU QUESTION ME LIKE THAT?" Tsuna was answered with a tonfa to the face.

"Because you're a herbivore," he was dragged to the corvette before Kyoko spoke.

"I'll takes notes for you, Tsuna."

"I'd prefer you rescue me," he was answered with a kick by Hibari.

"Stop talking."

Hibari took Tsuna back to the corvette as an unconscious Yamamoto was in the backseat with the cameraman and Gokudera stuffed in the trunk with Enma and Ryohei. He turned around the area getting a strange feeling of a killing intent in the air. Tetsuya drove the car back to Hibari estate unaware that Adelheid was watching them from the window.

"Suspicious. It's time for the Liquidation Committee to investigate. Julie, call the other guardians. We're leaving," the dark skinned teen turned to the net captured pervert in her office.

"O-Okay, but can you let me down first?"

"When you understand that the girl's locker room is not a place for boys I will," she revealed a remote control from her purse, "until then," she pressed a button that electrocuted him.

"AAAAAAAA!" as the smoke cleared from the perv's body, Julie's body shook as he removed his cell phone. "I'll start… right away."

**Rain Forest Coffee and Cream – Monday 12:00 P.M**

Reborn sipped his coffee in silence as he overheard the situation at the Hibari compound.

"… Right now, Kyo… uh, Hibari has captured Tsuna and his friends, including Enma, and has been keeping them hostage all day. Even some of the older guardians are under lock and key under Alaude's orders."

"You mean your boyfriend's orders," Reborn smirked as the woman in front of him growled and attempted to hide her blush.

She gripped the table as she barked, "that has nothing to do with this situation!"

"Does it now?" the hitman sipped his coffee as he enjoyed frustrating the blunette in front of him. "He won't like this, and he might have something to do with this since he might've seen you two last night.

"W-WHAT! Why didn't you tell me."

"You know the code: Bros before hoes," Reborn watched as the woman in front of him was ready to launch herself at him, "of course, you are a woman of substance and fear. I'm not afraid of you, of course, but others are and that's all that matters."

The CEDEF soldier gritted her teeth as she stormed out of the café. "If you're not going to help, well… fuck you!"

"I hope your relationship is worth it, Lal! Oh, and I wish you all the best in your future endeavors; at least, as long as Colonello doesn't find out."

"…And he won't; he better not."

"If he calls my house crying to me one more time I may just do it. He's a mess and clearly he'll try something," Reborn petted Leon as he saw Lal Mirch glare at him one more time before leaving the café and slamming the door. "Well Leon, this is going to be fun."

**To Be Continued…**

_Part two will be coming later. For now, enjoy the suspense of this chapter for as long as possible, and get ready for the return to absurdity with a little chapter I like to call… __**A Pimp Named Lampo**__. Giotto will be pleased with that chapter, because there will be plenty of bitches for him to stress about, and no I'm not just referring to Lampo and his "posse." Not to mention the bad parenting involved when raise a rapping Lambo. _


	4. A Pimp Named Lampo: A Legend Is Born

Are you the neighborhood pimp? Lampo is. References to chapter 2 will be heard here. Always remember: when Giotto gives you advice, it's best to take it. Seriously, this is advice Lampo should've gotten instead of Tsuna. There is a lot of use of the b-word in this chapter. And a lot of pimps and hoes talk. Somehow this chapter also became a Giotto/Tsuna thing too. Huh, didn't see that coming. I want to iterate that I don't view women like this. I do not own Reborn, Professor Genki, Cherry Coke, in anyway.

**Bold – Lampo's narration.**

* * *

**Chapter 4: A Pimp Named Lampo – A Legend Is Born**

Lampo laid unconscious on the floor as Lambo continued to pounce on his stomach. He let out constant moans of pain as he twitched on the ground with a red rolling pin mark on his face. His body was decorated in blood and some glass. As he looked around, he couldn't help but think about the events that led to his self-destruction…

**The game isn't as difficult as most people may assume it is. You gotta be strong, keep your pimp hand tight, and leave your heart ice cold, like a slurpie with a cherry coke twist. That's what I am: Cherry Coke. Bitches love cherry coke. I didn't learn this rule until after my first catastrophe. I just came back from America when I found that my particular charm and exotic look made women swoon over me. I'm not just some playboy, I've evolved beyond that. Women do as I say, and I profit from that. In return, I allow them to ravish me. He, that's just how awesome I am. You can't see me. I'm beyond celebrity. Who am I? I'm the Zeus of Pimps, or as some members of my family call me, Lampo Bovino…**

_(4 Hours Earlier)_

"Why did I get an invite to a Playa's Ball? What is that? And why is it tonight?" Giotto looked at the flashy letter in his hand as Nana and Tsuna stared at it.

"Maybe it's like a fancy costume party?" Nana cheerfully remarked.

"Aren't balls for girls? They like those things." Tsuna asked.

"Eh, I don't think Lampo would've invited me if it was. This one's a head scratcher. Tsuna got an invite too so maybe it's something for the kids."

Nana tilted her head. "Why don't you call Lampo and find out?"

"I did but his maid said he was preoccupied. It's been like for four hours though I don't know what he's so busy with especially since he never really lifts a finger."

"I-I think we should go, and maybe we didn't just get an invite. I'll call Gokudera and Yamamoto and find out," Tsuna jumped up and went to the phone.

"You do that while I figure out what a Playa's Ball is…" Giotto went to his office and accessed the computer.

Nana stood up from the couch ready to start making dinner when the doorbell furiously rang. She quickly made her way over the door and opened it revealing a wet Lambo holding a pumpkin-headed plushie in his hand. The rain came pouring down outside as a scared Lambo jumped in her arms as lightning came down.

"Oh my! Lambo, why are you out here? H-How do you get here?"

"Lambo's scared!" he curled into Nana's chest as lightning struck again and he winced. "There are weird people at the mansion."

"Weird people? Lampo's in trouble?"

"Papa let them in! They had funny feathers, big coats, fur…"

"…PROSTITUTES! LAMPO IS SMUGGLING PROSTITUTES IN NANIMORI! AND…" the blonde stopped screaming into the room as he saw Nana holding Lambo. "Did Lampo drop him off here? Where is he?"

"Giotto, he just got here. I think Lambo ran all the way over here in this weather."

"WHAT! Tsuna, we're leaving!" the Sawada patriarch grabbed two coats ready to leave the house. He walked up to Lambo as he the young child looked at him. "Your uncle Giotto is going to handle this and get your papa back to his sense."

"Why is he doing this?" Lambo asked.

"Because he's… Lampo." Tsuna ran into the room.

"Nobody else got an invite. Why's Lambo here?"

"Tsuna!" Lambo jumped off of Nana and ran to Tsuna. "Papa is bad. He left Lambo to some funny pig lady."

"Ehhh?"

Giotto lowered his eyes. "Okay, we definitely have to do something about this."

Nana looked over at her husband. "Do you think this has something to do with… you know what?" Giotto nodded as Nana held Lambo's hand. "How would you like to make some cookies with me?"

Lambo gave off a cheezy smile. "Can Lambo have cookie dough."

"Of course." She took him to the kitchen as he sniffed and tried to wipe away his tears.

"Why would Uncle Lampo leave him alone like that?"

Giotto sternly stood by the door as Tsuna put his coat on. "I don't know, but I'm going to knock some sense to him. Let's go Tsuna… oh and whatever you do, do not take any drink given to you, and if you have any questions about anything you see there, ask me when we get home and we're alone."

"Why?"

"It's important to find Lampo and tell him about his son; also, I don't want to give your mother a heart attack for telling you these things."

**Sacrifices must be made to become the greatest pimp history has ever seen. Unfortunately, one of these sacrifices was my son. That was not intentional. He was my seed, the golden apple off this sixty foot tree (ladies calm down, it comes in peace). It was my intention to bring him into the game as Mufasa did Simba, except without me dying in a stampede of whores. The idea sounds kinky though. Note to self: find a way to survive a stampede of hoes. Anyway, I left him safely in the hands of Eliza, this blonde chick I met in New York who's got this bust that you can sleep on like a cloud in the sky you can screw. Very sexy, like a Mai Valentine if she gave it up for free. To be fair, that'd bitch still would be expensive, and needy, a smart ass, manipulative, and whiny, and… okay after all that I just want to kill that bitch.**

It was difficult for Tsuna to describe what he had seen. There were so many lights coming from Lampo's mansion it looked like planes were going to land on the colorful home. Limos and fancy cars parked in the garage and out on the street, but most the vehicles that came in were more broken down and tacky if anything. It only got tackier with men coming out in fur coats, loud suits, and some with large feathered hats he felt were ripped off an ostrich. The women were worse. Most of them showed a lot of skin while wearing cheap material and spandex. There cleavage looked ready to pop at any more; the worst thing was that most of them weren't even attractive.

"Can I stay in the car?" Tsuna panicked.

"No, you're coming inside. This'll be educational for you."

"How?"

Giotto parked the car two blocks away so people won't associate him with Lampo. "Let me put it bluntly: when you become boss of this family and your guardians do stupid things like this, YOU HAVE GOT TO BRING THE WRATH OF GOD AND DROP THE HAMMER ON THEIR BITCH ASS! Also to show you the type of women you NEVER want to be with, but to more importantly DROP THE HAMMER ON LAMPO'S BITCH ASS! I apologize if I got a lil gangsta there."

Tsuna shook and curled up as his father yell. "I-I-it's fine."

Giotto goes into the glove department and hands Tsuna mace. "Now normally I give this to your mother in case she's out with the car for protection, but you need this to fight off the crabs."

"You mean prostitutes."

"Same thing. The Sawada Adorability gene is a hindrance in this kind of environment because prostitutes usually don't get attractive men like ourselves. They'll swarm over you like a juicy steak, so try to go in like a ninja and not like you usually do at school with your face in the dirt. If they happen to grab you and appear to go below the waist, kill the bitch and we'll hide the body later like a father and son team."

Tsuna frowned. "Does it really have to come to this?"

Giotto puts his hand on Tsuna's shoulder, "if Grand Theft Auto and Saint's Row has taught us anything, it's that the world wouldn't miss one prostitute; they'll just respawn later at another location. So, technically you're doing them a favor. They get to see the world this way," the blonde flashed a small that didn't insure his son anything.

As they exited the car, Giotto went to the trunk and popped it open. Inside was a baseball bat, purple cat suit, a scientist lab coat and suit, green pants, and a giant purple cat head smiling and wearing shades. Tsuna was confused as he watched his father put the suit on.

"What's with the suit?"

"It's a playa's ball, Tsuna. I'd look silly going inside in a suit and tie, and Professor Genki is the most pimpin cat I know," he put on the Genki head to complete his ensemble. "Sorry I didn't get anything for you at short notice, but you'll be fine as you don't stare directly at the people. Just look everywhere else unless it's your uncle Lampo. Call me and let me handle it from there," he grabbed the bat and closed the trunk. "Let's do this. We're going in with swag Tsuna." Giotto strutted to Lampo's estate as Tsuna stood horrified at his father.

**It was negligent of me to put Lambo in that position, but you have to understand: I'm 21. I had a kid at 16. The moment I turned 21 I could've done a lot of things: purchase alcohol, drink alcohol… that's it. Wow, not much changes after you turn 21. You want to know how spent my birthday: seeing Lambo's play. He wasn't even in the play he just pulled curtains. I know you all wished me happy birthday and all, but it just wasn't the same. None of you even had a party for me. So when I left for America, I spent my down time exploring the city with Lambo, and that's when I met Pristine and his stable of fly bitches. Damn those girls had ass. Taught me and Lambo all about the game, although I think Lambo spent most his time in that coloring book with Jewel and Deshay. I wanted to realize a dream then: to become the greatest pimp in history, and to achieve it all I needed was a time machine! Unfortunately the 10 year bazooka was broken so I had to resort to becoming the greatest pimp of THIS time period. Damn, I really wanted to get with those puritan bitches; I heard they're freaks.**

"Zeus, daddy, when are you going to show me your private jet?"

"Nooooo, he was going to show me his private island Olympus."

"Whaaaat! You have an island…"

Six women swarmed around Lampo as walked down the halls of his mansion. He swaggered in the room wearing a white tiger fur coat, round purple shades sliding low on his nose, elevator shoes filled with fish and water, white bellbottom pants, a purple buttoned shirt, and a white fedora. The shelves flowed in the air as the women tried to hold onto the man. He smirked as he passed up several "friends" in the hall.

"Lookie here 'ladies', if you behave and show daddy what you've got, I might just have a private jet to take you to an island I may possibly own, but that is if you've got the talent and the loyalty toward me because I don't have no need for some broken down hoes. Also don't need any of my horses goin toward another man's stable," he flashed his pearly whites as he entered the dance floor.

"What's goin own my brotha pimps and tricks? This here is Zeus descending from Olympus to allow you mortals to gaze upon thee god of pimpin," he waved his hand in the air as the audience cheered, whistled, and called out Lampo (or Zeus). "I can see a lotta fine chicken dinners up in the piece; definitely got some dimes workin the floor. I see some legends up here too. Nice to see ya had the time to come up to Nanimori."

"Ye-Yeah!"

"Holla!"

"What it do!"

"Recognize!"

"Where am I?"

"King is in the building!"

"You're all going to hell!"

Lampo snapped his fingers as security came and threw the priest out of his mansion. "I don't know who let that fool in; I didn't think this was his kind of crowd seeing there ain't any little boys here, except for Toni Tone over there."

"Pfft, you and I both know I got size where it counts. Hehehehe."

"My man," Lampo shot out two fingers to the short pimp. "Enjoy the ambrosia that is my kingdom and ladies be on the lookout; Zeus just might need some company later on his throne," he winked to the crowd as they exploded in cheers and praises.

As the lightning guardian headed up to the DJ both with a train of women following behind, Tsuna and Professor Genki (Giotto) walked up in the building earning themselves several looks from the crowd.

"Who invited the short pint and cat?"

"That kid is a cutie. How old is he?"

"Oh shit, it's Professor Genki! Someone grab my shotgun!"

"Lovin da cat, lovin da cat! If I knew this was a furry fest I would've brought out Snoopy."

"Little Jimmy! Is that you?"

Tsuna stepped closer to his father as they traversed through the crowd. Some of the women try to reach out to him with a "hi" or blowing a kiss, which only scared him further because some of them looked either half dead or dressed in too much make-up. Giotto stood strong holding his bat as the party goers took note of the cat being armed.

"Now remember, Tsuna, no physical contact, do not converse, and above all KEEP YOUR PANTS ON AND YOUR LIPS SHUT TIGHT!"

"If the kid wants to party let him you uptight pu…" Giotto smashed a pimp in the face with the back of the bat.

"My son has a girlfriend!"

Tsuna looked at his father confused. "No I don't."

Giotto tilted his head. "You don't? But I thought Haru…"

"…I'm not sure what's happening with that," Tsuna timidly replied as the pimp got up and took a swing at Giotto. "Dad, look out!"

Giotto barely dodged as he was swarmed around by a punch of pimps. He began to fight them off and looked like he was about to win until the stable of hoes began to latch onto his legs and bite him like zombie. "AAAHHH! I HAVE HERPES! TSUNA, STAY AWAY FROM DADDY!"

Giotto turned and saw that Tsuna was already gone. "MY SON'S ABONDANDED ME!" he was eventually punched by a prostitute as Professor Genki was curled up in a ball getting stomped on. "Genki needs assistance!"

Tsuna ran around and saw Lampo in the DJ booth making out with three women. He ran up to the booth as he looked down the stairway and watched his father remove his mask and fight off the prostitutes by swinging it at them.

"Back, back I say! I'm broke! I don't want any and I ain't got nothing to give!" Giotto screamed as some of them scratched his face with their long nails. "DEAR GOD I HAVE SLUT RABIES! I can feel myself changing into one of them… oh Tsuna, Nana. I pray you never see me on the streets turning tricks!"

Tsuna knocked on the booth screaming, "UNCLE LAMPO! LAMBO NEEDS YOU! UNCLE LAMPO!"

The self-proclaimed 'greatest pimp in history' saw a spikey bush of brown hair and realized it was his nephew. "Excuse me ladies, family business." He walked over and let in Tsuna. "Girls, this is my nephew Tsunayoshi. Say hi girls."

"Hi Tsuna."

"Hey Tsuna."

"Tsuna! Awww he's so cute! I just wanna…"

"He's too young for that Michelle," Lampo remarked as he noticed Tsuna's panicked face. "What's wrong young gun?"

"Dad… slut rabies… Lambo… with mom…" he tried to catch his breath.

"Lambo's with your mom? That's not right I left him with Yukio… Right? Where's Yukio?" he looked around the crowd for one of his 'girls' but couldn't find her. "I-I'm sure he's in his room or something…"

"NO! He's at my house with mom! He was wet and crying and scared! And why would you invite me to this!" he spread his arm out as the crowd was getting out of control.

Giotto found himself swinging on a chandelier waving his broken bat down the audience. "BACK OFF YOU ANIMALS! YOU SHALL NOT HAVE YOUR WAY WITH ME!"

"See, he was cute until he started freaking out. You sure he ain't homeless?"

"Homeless or not I still want him!"

"Geez, are these hoes or fangirls!" Giotto thought out loud.

Lampo lazily looked over at Giotto. "They're usually one in the same."

Giotto popped a vain as he glared at Lampo. "YOU! WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT TO YOUR KID! You'd put him in front of all this and forget to get a babysitter or something?"

"Now now, I did get him a babysitter. Yukio has a lot of explaining to do…"

"Yukio has been in your bedroom doing some dudes for about two hours now," one of Lampo's women replied.

"What? Then where's Lambo… WHY ARE THEY IN MY BEDROOM!"

Tsuna smacked Lampo upside his head. "Forget your bedroom! GO SEE LAMBO!"

"A…a… but what about my mansion. I can't leave all these people here. And my girls…" he stroked one of his girls' cheeks, "it'd be wrong to leave them alone."

"That's okay, I had that dealt with. I called the Hibaris," Giotto proudly replied with a smile. Lampo shockingly looked at Giotto, grabbed Tsuna and jumped on the chandelier.

"The fuck I'm staying here when they arrive!" the chandlier began to break as the three crashed to the ground as the crowd dispersed. Lampo jumped in the air holding his behind, "I have glass on my ass."

"Good for you. Let's go," Giotto grabbed Lampo as he and Tsuna ran. Giotto took one last swipe at a pimp knocked him to the ground. "Ha! Take that mini-me!"

"TONI-TONE!"

Toni rubbed his face as he was helped up by his girls. "I won't forget this you blonde bitch! I'm coming for you!"

"Oh yeah! Well you and the lollipop guild better be strapped cause I ain't no easy kill," Giotto gave him the finger before exiting the mansion.

The Sawadas and a captured Lampo was running straight to the car as an army of pimps and hoes pursued. Giotto threw Lampo through the backseat window as he jumped through the front winshield. Tsuna was horrified.

"WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT!"

"No time for doors! Jump by daddy, Tsuna," the blood loss was getting to Giotto as Tsuna chose to unlock the door and casually sit down instead. The blonde hit the accelerator as he drifted to the right and got away from the mob.

**When I left Lambo in Yukio's care, I assume she'd actually look after him and not take six guys to my room and make nasty with them. I should've known better considering she was Nanimori's most famous whore. It's killing me that I'd put Lambo in that position and I asked myself if he'd ever forgive me. My selfishness was not worth making my son sad. Actually, it was more about me forgiving myself for being that irresponsible. It also didn't help that Giotto threw me through glass that I regretted what I had done. Lately he's been losing his marbles. The windshield jumping proved that. **

Lampo soon woke up on the couch bandaged up and dressed in pajamas. "Wha… where are my clothes?"

"In the garbage can where they belong."

Tsuna stood outside the house with the garbage can pouring lighter fluid over Lampo's clothes. Withdrawing a lit match, he threw it in and watched it incinerated the suit instantly. As he turned around to walk back inside, the can to spark strong embers as it exploded and threw Tsuna into the door. The brunette bounced off and landed on his back.

"W-why… was it so flammable…"

Nana and Lampo obliviously shrugged at the explosion as they continued their conversation. "Lampo, you're a parent; you can't do things like this whenever you want, especially so spontaneously. Lambo was crying, he was scared, and for some reason he kept asking for me to give him a Cleveland Steamer. I don't know what that is but I don't think it's something a child should ask. What was going through your head when decided to do this?"

Lampo was silent as he explained his thought process to Nana. The brunette merely nodded and listened as her frown deepened with every paragraph. The lightning guardian didn't like Nana's expression as she went to the kitchen and returned with a rolling pin.

"Please don't tell me you're going to… UMPF!" in seconds Lampo was smacked across the face with a rolling pin and spent three minutes doing so over and over again.

"IF YOU EVER DO THAT TO THAT POOR BOY AGAIN BECAUSE YOU CAN'T KEEP IT IN YOUR PANTS AND CRYING ABOUT HOW LONELY YOU ARE I SWEAR I'LL *** ******* *** ******** ******* AFTER I ***** ***** ******* **** ****! DO YOU HEAR ME!"

"Yes, stop beating me!" Nana stopped as Lampo began to cry.

Nana exhaled for a moment. "Pimps don't cry, Lampo. Clearly you know nothing about pimpin. Now, when Lambo gets up from his nap, I want you to apologize to him and act be a father…"

"Okay."

Nana sighed as she put her smile back on. "Would you like a cookie?"

"Actually I'd like to go to the hospital…"

"No, you'd like a cookie. I'll go get you a cookie. Lambo and I made them, so it's best for you to have one."

"But my teeth… you knocked two of them out…" Nana ignored Lampo as she walked off to the kitchen to get her homemade cookies. Lambo had left Tsuna's room as he noticed his father on the floor.

"Papa!" he ran over to his father as Lampo graciously smiled.

"_Thank god he's okay. Still, I need to make this up to… UMPFH!"_

Lampo laid there took his punishment as his son continued to pounce on his stomach for whatever reason he could think of. As he laid their he discovered that being history's greatest pimp wasn't as glamorous as he'd thought it'd be. He put his son in danger, his friend and his nephew fought through a myriad of pimps and hoes, and he was pretty sure the Hibaris were going to burn his mansion down before the day was over; after all, someone needed to cleanse Nanimori of Lampo's future prostitution ring, and he was sure they were going to bite him to death when it was over. If he learned anything from this moment it was that neglecting his son for his own selfish needs was the worst thing any parent can do, and that he should find a babysitter that wouldn't stop what she was doing to bang the first guy that waved a dollar at her.

Giotto laid in bed groaning in pain holding his side. As he was numb from the painkillers, he tried to sleep off the pain. The rain continued to poor outside with lightning striking close to the Sawada property. Toni Tone's appearance was seen beyond Giotto's window as he began to break open the window.

Toni Tone, bruised face in all, revealed a bat and jumped at the unconscious blonde screaming, "REVENGE!"

* * *

I think after writing this chapter I've seen how far into insanity I've fallen at this point. I've gone through three different rewrites I couldn't finish before completing number four. I hope you liked it and as to what's coming for next chapter. I don't know. All I know is that another chapter is coming. AMERICA!


	5. Secret Girlfriend

After the absurdity of the last chapter, I really decided to go back to my origins. So, I walked around, kicked a couple of rocks, inserted a montage that included a sunset and Seal's "Kiss By The Rose" as background music, and stayed awake long enough to write this adorable chapter. I do not own Reborn or any of its characters.

I noticed something weird while I was reading the whole Varia conflict. If Tsuna considers the 9th his grandpa, wouldn't that make Xanxus his uncle? That'd be the worst uncle you could have.

* * *

**Secret Girlfriend**

When he heard it from Reborn, G was baffled. It was a surprise (and relief) that his son had an actual interest outside of Tsuna: women. In a way he shone like a proud father, but he was more disturbed that his son hadn't approached him with advice. What was wrong with him? Was he ashamed of the girl? Was he ashamed of him? Was it a front for something else? The worst part of it was Reborn never told him who the girl was. So, G was left guessing with the girls Hayato's group hung out with, and judging from his son's treatment of them, it was not likely any of them.

"Where is that stupid boy?" G yelled as Ugetsu drove him around the neighborhood looking for his son. The red-head held out binoculars as he scanned the area.

"Are you sure you should be doing that? You look like a pedophile," the rain guardian frowned.

G turned around and yelled, "shut up and drive! I'm not letting that boy act like I don't exist. He's a part of the Gokudera family and he shouldn't be ashamed to let some pretty young skank know that."

"How do you know she's a skank?"

"Because she's dating my son; Hayato is the most infuriating little asshole I've had between him and his sister. Any girl that dates him is either one of those slutty fangirls or one of those weird alien life-forms he obsesses about."

Asari couldn't help but roll his eyes as he turned the corner. "You know, this is one of those things you should wait for Hayato to bring up when he's ready, or if this is such a big issue, you bring it up to him."

G gave Ugetsu a blank stare. "Good advice… NOT! That boy's too proud to do such a thing… little asshole."

"Look who's talking," the rain guardian murmured to himself. As they drove up the road, the G caught Gokudera casually walking down the street in a black jacket. Ugetsu let out a goofy smile as he spoke, "oh look, there he is. Now's your chance for a memorable father-son…"

"GET OVER HERE YOU LITTLE SHIT!" G jumped out the car hoping to make a sprint as he hit the pavement. Instead he twisted his and tumbled into a dump truck. Ugetsu's ride screeched to a complete halt as Gokudera turned around and saw his father laid next to the garbage truck. As the rain guardian went to help his friend, the younger storm guardian bolted and ran from them. "Damnit…" G rubbed his ankle as Ugetsu helped him up. Looking up at him, G was about to thank him when he realized his son was gone. "Why didn't you go after him?"

"You jumped out the car like a madman! You looked cool doing it but then you went Looney Toons and tumbled into a garbage truck. Lucky you," he let out a cheesy smile as Ugetsu continued, "what would you have me do if I caught him?"

"Uh, I don't know… why not drive the Bentley down his throat!"

"Because I'm not trying to go to jail for hit and run on a child, and unlike you, I'm a good parent. If you need advice…"

G smacked his hand away. "I don't need advice, or your help!" he carried himself up by leaning on the truck, but struggled to stand. "If you're not going to be useful then go elsewhere!"

Ugetsu frowned. "Okay, but you know where to find me." He walked away slowly hoping that G would come to his senses.

G sighed as the pain in his ankle was too much. "Wait… can you at least get me to the hospital?" the musician let out a bright smile as he helped his friend to the car and drove him to the hospital.

Gokudera backed himself on the fence breathing heavily as he poked his head out his hiding spot to his see Ugetsu help his limping father to the car. He withdrew his cell phone and looked at the time. Gritting his teeth he cursed under his breath, "damn old man! Why he's trying to act like Jason Statham? Big fail." The storm guardian sighed as he made a call. "Hey, I'm not going to make it. Why? Because my father's a dumbass."

A few hours later, G was in the hospital hoping to get out as soon as possible so he can strangle his son. This wouldn't have happened if he told him about his secret girlfriend. G sat in silence as he thought to himself, _"Who has a secret girlfriend, people who commit adultery, people ashamed of their girlfriend, and uptight assholes. Then again, Alaude's asexual. The fact he had a bastard son and a bitch for a baby mama still baffles me. I wonder if he knew he was doing it when he was doing it. God, Alaude is like the Sheldon Cooper of this family." _

"Mr. Gokudera?" G snapped out of his thoughts as the doctor came in the room. "Your son is here."

G lowered his eyes as he replied, "don't let him in."

"The hell he isn't!" Hayato pushed the doctor aside as he stood in front of his father. "You see what you did! You almost killed yourself!"

"I did it because of your stupid little secret; I deserve to know when I have to prepare to give whatever illegitimate child you have a paternity test."

"WHAT! I'm not sleeping with anyone! I'm not even dating!"

"Bullshit! Reborn saw you and some girl playing grab ass outside of the Juice Bar of all places. I didn't realize juice made people horny, but what doesn't now a days. God knows what would happen if you went to Jamba Juice. Go in virgins; come out with more children than a guest on Maury."

Hayato was speechless for a couple of seconds. She was right; Reborn caught them. He could deny all he wants, but if he didn't want his father to have a heart attack trying to get the truth out of him he would have to be open with him.

"Fine, I was… seeing someone… it was nothing though…"

"You two were kissing."

"My lips were chapped; she was helping out… unchap them," the silver haired Gokudera blushed as he turned away from his father.

"Really, that's your excuse?" G raised an eyebrow.

"Shut up!" Hayato barked.

G smirked. He crossed his arms as he examined the awkward silence coming from his son. This really was embarrassing for him. He knew Hayato wasn't the best at expressing his feelings (outside of rage), but he was determined to reach his son. If not, the worst that could happen was Hayato taking advice from Lampo. G gritted at the idea. _"The hell that's happening!"_

"Listen, I don't care who the girl is; I want you to talk to me about this kind of thing because I doubt you'll survive your first girlfriend without my help."

Hayato's eye twitched at the idea. Advice couldn't hurt… but that's it! "Fine, but just so you know, if I see a condom I'm never doing this again!"

"Alright," G casually remarked. "Start talking! Why can't I meet this girl? Is she that hideous?"

"NO! Why would that be your first thought?" G shrugged to his defensive son. Gokudera placed his hands in his pockets uncomfortably as he continued. "Look, I'm new to this alright. It's bad enough people talk about it. Imagine if they watched!"

"Okay, I get it. You're embarrassed because it's not natural for you, but you need to get over that because we're eventually going to meet her and try to convince her you have nothing to offer her or her family, and then we'll push her in the arms Yamamoto as the killing blow."

"Okay I'm done," before Hayato could walk out, G grabbed his arm.

"Alright, I'm sorry. Look, stop being so vain and get over yourself. It's not like the end of the world. Bad enough with have to deal with that at the end of every month, but don't make some as awkward as your first girlfriend something like that."

Hayato sighed as he continued. "Okay. Anyway, we've been dating for five months…"

"FIVE MONTHS!" G jumped from the medical bed he sprang up and stood on his injured ankle. He fell immediately to the ground slamming his head against the table. Clutching his head he screamed, "DAMNIT! Look what you made me do!"

"STOP OVERREACTING TO EVERYTHING AND MAYBE YOU'LL NOT TRY TO KILL YOURSELF EVERY TIME!"

"How can I when you're dating a girl for five months without anyone knowing? How'd you pull that off?"

"Go on a lot of picnics… I'm sick of picnics," Gokudera grimaced.

"And you cook food for this girl on your picnics?"

"Uh…" Gokudera scratched the back of his head trying to answer the question, "a couple of times I did bring food I said I made…"

G sighed. "Who made it?"

"Kyoko," he lowered his head.

"Is she the girl you've been…"

"NO!" Gokudera defensively waved his arms. "I would never betray the 2nd like that! That's his girl!"

"No it's not."

"Well, she doesn't know that," he snapped back. "Woman should be grateful the second gives her any attention at all!"

G sighed. They were getting off track. "Okay, can you at least tell me who this woman before the chapter ends?"

"What?"

"Who's the girl?"

"Ummm…"

G didn't understand why his son was having such a hard time answering the question, but alarms went off in his head as he made a harsh realization. "No… Hayato you stupid boy, are seeing Chrome!"

Gokudera scoffed at that and said nothing as G panicked. "That's all I needed to know. Here," the red head reached into his blazer, withdrew a .45 and handed it to an unwilling Gokudera. "You'll need this when they come for you!"

"Who? UMA?"

"NO! The Hibaris and the Spades! Why would you steal a woman from Kyoya! Granted you got balls kid, but this is the stupidest thing you have ever done."

The silver-haired Gokudera stared at the gun before throwing it back to his father. "I'm not dating that scarecrow looking bitch! My woman is normal, she's tough, and she stands her ground. Very exotic too…"

"It's not that spaced-out chick from the Shimon is it?"

Hayato looked at the reader with a shocked expression. "… This chapter is over."

"No, it's not. Chapter not over!" G waved his hands. "That's good for you she's… she's a… cute… girl," the storm guardian struggled to let out the words in a strained town. The girl was strange; no, that girl was bizarre, and the fact that Gokudera associated with her time for time because of his dumb obsession with UMAs and anything supernatural didn't help. Maybe it would be better if he kept her hidden.

"You know son, why don't you keep doing what you're doing and I'll pretend this never happened; you to make this moment and future moments like this less awkward. Even better, if you want to bring her over you can, but just warn me before you do, okay?"

Hayato lowered his eyes and stared at his father. "Is this a trick?"

"Any boy who gets the permission to possibly be left alone with a girl from their father usually says sure and leave it be. So, if you want to bring your 'girl'friend over, don't mind me if I drive out the garage at 180 MPH."

"Sure… thanks dad." The two shared an intimate father-son moment as the doctor re-entered the room ready to give the older storm guardian his cast.

(Sawada Estate)

"… And that's how you be a parent!" G smirked and crossed his arms as he laid back confidently on his chair. Ugetsu and Giotto looked at each other with worried expressions.

"That doesn't sound like a healthy relationship if he's hiding her from everyone. Even Tsuna didn't know they were dating, and Gokudera usually tells him EVERYTHING," the blonde remarked.

"You sure it's okay to leave them alone in the house? Aren't you afraid they'll have sex?" the rain guardian reasoned.

"We've all met that girl. She isn't from on this planet, that's for sure. At least that outfit isn't, anyway," as the three of them continued to talk, G's cell phone rang. It was Bianchi. "Bianchi, what's wrong?"

"Where should I begin? Well, I think it'll be easy if you just turn on the news."

G withdrew the cell phone. "Giotto, turn the TV on and turn to channel 5."

The blonde did as he was told as the three were shocked at the scene they were watching. "… The fire has been put out after ten minutes of the blaze spreading on the first floor to the second. According to nearby witnesses, an 'alien' was seen stealing valuables earlier from the household as they were being carried out on balloons like a scene from the award winning picture, 'Up.' Although the tied up teen was freed, it appeared as though he was preparing for intercourse as he was found only in his boxers. The police have been trying to get in touch with the boy's father but to no avail. Let this be a lesson to parents who allow their young, teenage children to court unusual and suspicious girls without getting to know them. Whoever this child's father is should be ashamed of them, and they deserve to be robbed for allowing such a thing to happen. This just goes to show you that rich people are the worst people in the world. Here with us now is the boy's sister. Tell us miss, what was going on in your head when you discovered the fire at the mansion."

Bianchi took the microphone from the reporter as she spoke, "distraught, Trisha. Concerned that my idiot brother would associate herself with someone so… off. I was frightened that I had almost lost poor Hayato to such a dastardly human being. I've heard of this girl before. Ridiculous name by the way, and I want to leave her a message in case she decides to ever come back to Nanimori. Shitopi, Shitt P, whatever slurred name you want to call yourself, if you ever come near my family again you are a dead bitch! If I catch you in my eye, I will cut you. Now, I have to attend to my brother because our father was too irresponsible to do his job as a parent. Luckily, he has an older sister to be the mother-figure he never had. For shame, papa. For shame."

Trisha took back the microphone from Bianchi as she left to look after her brother. "Yes, papa Gokudera, shame on you. SHAME!"

Ugetsu turned off the TV as the two guardians looked at G. G was speechless as Ugetsu withdrew his car keys. "I'll start the car."

As he left the room, G looked at Giotto as his boss shook his head at his poor decision making. "This time Ugetsu better drive that Bentley down Hayato's throat."

* * *

That was the chapter. I had to turn the crack down by a smidge, just a smidge. G and Hayato's ability to break the fourth wall was more or less a spur of a moment decision I just felt would work for them specifically. This chapter was way easier to write than the Ryohei one; only two more guardians left until I get the whole family. Wow. Making progress. Anyway, there's also going to be Cozart/Enma chapter on the way, and after the whole Xanxus is my uncle thing, a Xanxus/Tsuna family chapter. May god help us all when that is released.


	6. Law and Order Disciplinary Committee 2

**WARNING! SERIOUS SPOILER ALERT! MUST READ BEFORE CONTINUING THIS CHAPTER IF YOU'VE NEVER EVEN TOUCHED THIS FANFICTION! This chapter is a continuation of chapter 3 (a three-shot series chapter BTW). Because of this, it is HIGHLY recommended that you return to chapter three and read it before continuing with this chapter to understand better what's going on. It may be confusing and random if you read this chapter straight away (funny though, guaranteed). YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!**

Yes it has been a while, but down time was needed since I've been really depressed lately. Of course I have several shorts in mind. Sadly most of them only have three paragraphs written then depression, and yeah, here we are. I definitely wanted this chapter to come next after the Gokudera/G chapter because I want to finish this, and I want a **GOOD **finish to the story [thus the short intermission in between each part]. If I do another one or two part story after this it'll probably be in this format, but as far as I'm concerned, it won't be for a while. Also, playing Magicka helps get the creative juices and the sadness to go away.

Anyway, the big reveal and epic ending is something **none of you will see coming! **However it's better to know how we get there before we get there (because you know, suspense and all that shit). If you're not that patient, you're losing out. Let's just get to the story. I do not own Reborn or Law and Order. This is a tribute to Dick Wolf and his great cop shows.

* * *

**Chapter 6: Law and Order: Disciplinary Committee Pt.2 **

**When shit hits the fan, pray that Reborn isn't involved. He's like the Riddler – crafty, intelligent, silly, and quite annoying because puzzles are stupid. ****– Alaude Hibari**

**Hibari Estate – Monday 2:00 P.M.**

Tsuna came two after a light shone directly at his face. He had been unconscious for about two hours he guessed as he kept his eyes closed tight from the flashlight staring him down. The brunette slowly opened his eyes as the light backed away and he found himself in a dark, secluded room. As his vision cleared, he saw Hibari standing in his cambio form holding a flashlight in one hand and Roll in another.

"Where am I? A-A-Are you going to kill me here…"

"Considering it…" Hibari darkly replied.

"Can you please do it? I-I-I don't want to play whatever this is."

"Not unless you want to save the other herbivores," Hibari disappeared in the darkness and turned a light on. The captured crew was all in predicaments worse than him. Ryohei was tied up and hanging above the ceiling above a bunch of Roll copies with their spikes withdrawn; Enma was trapped, squeezed in a dog cage with another Roll clone inside; Yamamoto was pinned to the wall by several Roll with their spikes withdrawn, and two of them ready to pierce through the rain guardian; and Gokudera was hanging down from the ceiling like a punching bag with bruises all over.

"Why is Gokudera all beaten and bloody?"

"That herbivore won't shut up. He talks more than the boxing herbivore!"

"Fuck you," Gokudera was dropped kicked in seconds.

"Hiiiiieeee! T-T-This is too serious over a motorcycle!"

Hibari gnarled at Tsuna. "That motorcycle cost 20 grand! Plus the customizations totals up to $300,000! No tell me, would you be pissed that someone broke into your property and destroyed something that expensive that took years to work on," Tsuna's eyes bulged as he shook his head, "of course not, because you're a herbivore and stuck playing with toy trucks and tricycles with the lightning herbivore. Now tell me," Hibari rushed as soon and came face-to-face with him, hovering over him like Batman," WHO DID IT!?"

Tsuna at this point was crying. Hibari had the reason to be upset, and something in the back of his mind told him that he should've expected this kind of treatment from Hibari. If only the Sawada Adorability Gene could get him out of this. "I DON'T KNOW! P-P-Please," he cried, "l-l-let us g-g-g-go…"

Hibari continued to glare at Tsuna for several minutes until the second generation boss pissed his pants. The skylark looked down at the sky guardians already stained pants as a fresh set of urine set in.

"Pfft. You're no better than that Shimon herbivore."

Enma's cage shook as Roll crawled over his face. "My back really hurts, and I have to pee."

"That's what the paper in the cage is for!" Hibari screamed at him.

"MY NOSE EXTREMELY ITCHES!" Ryohei yelled.

Hibari sadistically smirked. "I can help with that." He walked over to a rope holding up Ryohei and lowered it. The sun guardian screamed as he fell toward Rolls' spikes, but immediately stopped as Ryohei came inches close to be impaled. "Does it still itch?"

"…no I'm good…" the terrified boxer whispered, a feat no one has accomplished until this day.

Yamamoto nervously laughed. "It's been really fun playing torture with you, Hibari, but my dad's probably worried and I have biology in the morning. I don't think I'll play this again though; it's not as fun as mafia.

"THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU!" Gokudera attempted to glare at Yamamoto. "THIS IS NOT A GAME! Maybe to this sick fuck, but not for us! How many blows to the head did you take as a child?" the storm guardian attempted to glare at the rain guardian, but with his black eye it ended up as more of a nervous twitch.

Hayato thought about it. "… I lost count around twelve…"

"God Damnit, baseball nut, I oughta UMPF!" Hibari bashed Gokudera's face with a tonfa.

"Why don't you ever shut up?" the cloud guardian looks over at Yamamoto. "And you still think I'm playing a game?"

Yamamoto tilted his head curiously. "I assumed that's why you brought us to your rec room." He looked over at the pool table, big screen, and couch pushed aside the wall by Gokudera. Then he eyed the PS3 on the coffee table. "Aw sweet you have PS3! Do you own MLB the Show 13?"

Everyone else in the room couldn't believe what they were hearing, and half of them hoped that if anyone was to die first it'd be Yamamoto. They broke out of their collective thoughts only by the sound of Enma pissing in his cage.

The future Shimon boss cried to out in the cage, "I can't hold it in with this scary hedgehog here."

"Then tell me who destroyed my bike? Was it one of your freaks from the Shimon?" Hibari walked to the cage and started kicking it.

"S-S-Stop! You're spreading the pee!" the red-head cried.

"THEN TELL ME WHO DID IT!"

"I-I-It was m-m-me! P-P-Please let me change my clothes and get this hedgehog away from me…"

The skylark gritted his teeth. "I knew it…"

"Enma didn't do it! He was at my house sleeping over and playing Cards Against Humanity with us!" Tsuna yelled. Gokudera's head snapped over to Tsuna.

"W-W-WHAT! But Boss… you didn't tell me you're having a sleepover…"

Tsuna felt bad as he looked toward the Persian carpeted floor. "Well, my dad said mom wasn't feeling well and didn't want any fights or loud things happening so I couldn't invite you. I'm so sorry."

The silver haired teen was angry and sad at the same time as he felt betrayed. Hibari, however, didn't give two shits. "How many were in your party?"

Tsuna jumped as the skylark looked over his direction. "S-Seven! Me, Enma, Yamamoto, Ryohei…"

"WHAT!? That turf head is the loudest of us all!" the storm guardian yelled.

"My dad kicked him out five minutes after he screamed out 'German sex dungeon'…"

Ryohei snickered. "I thought it was pretty funny that Hibari would own a German sex dungeon…" Hibari glared at him as he headed toward the tied rope. The sun guardian nervously gulped. "I-I-It was just a madlib game! I EXTREMELY don't want to get punctured. P-P-Please don't kill me…"

"… unless he does own a German sex dungeon…" everyone looked at Yamamoto. "There'd be nothing wrong with that if he did. What he does with Chrome in his own free time…"

"Finish that sentence and **I WILL END YOU!**" Everything got eerily quiet afterward. "So all but this herbivore," Hibari pointed to Gokudera, "were busy with this 'sleepover' playing a madlib."

"Cards Against Humanity is awesome! You mix and match words and things and places and events together into the funniest things! You can even make your own deck! Ryohei brought his over and…"

"Stop talking," Hibari glared. Yamamoto shut his lips tight. "Can you all confirm this?"

"YES-YES!" Tsuna desperately yelled, "Please call my dad and my mom! We went straight to school after we woke up! It was me, Enma, Yamamoto, Ryohei for five minutes, Basil, Irie, and Lambo. I mean the game wasn't appropriate for him, but considering his dad and everything, we think he's heard worse," Hibari contemplated this as he looked over at Yamamoto and Ryohei. Nodding, Rolls' spikes retracted and the clones popped out of existence as the rain guardian dropped to the floor and Ryohei let out a huge breath. Tsuna slightly smiled as it seemed as Hibari was going to let them go.

"You're all free, but this one," he points to Gokudera, "stays here."

"H-He didn't do it! Right, Gokudera!?" Tsuna pleaded to Hibari.

"No I didn't do it… if I knew something like this was going to happen, I probably would've helped him," everyone looked at Hayato.

Hibari went over to Enma's cage and opened it. He kicked it over to Yamamoto knocking him down in the process. Revealing a knife, he cut Tsuna and Ryohei's ropes off. Ryohei dropped to the floor while Tsuna removed the robes and stood up. The sky guardian picked up Ryohei as he looked at Hibari. "I know he didn't do it. Gokudera wouldn't do something like this, especially without anyone knowing…"

Kyoya glared at him for a minute before going over and cutting Hayato down. He gave him a swift kick in the gut before saying, "just in case."

The group collected themselves and began to walk out the rec room basement. Enma was hunched over holding his back in pain. "Is anyone surprised the Hibaris have a rec room? I thought they hated fun," Enma remarked.

"I think it's just there for show," Tsuna commented.

"Do you think it converts to a German sex dungeon?" everyone looked at Yamamoto.

"God damnit, Yamamoto…" Gokudera held the bridge of his nose.

As his captors left the rec room, Hibari stood in lone light in the middle of darkness holding and petting Roll. "I will find you; I know you're close. Something tells me… you're here…"

Lal Mirch and Iemitsu sat in the living room as they watched Tsuna's group walk out with pain, shame, and tears in their eyes. Iemitsu frowned at the sight. "Well, this is going longer than I expected. At least no one's dead."

"That kind of optimism combined with this level of abuse… you're sick."

The blonde beside her frowned. "It's better than your nihilistic reality."

Lal grunted at that. "Glad he didn't kill anyone, but I could've done without them screaming German sex dungeon."

The CEDEF second-in-command perversely smirked at her as she inched away from him. "Is that what you and Alaude do on your down ti… UMPF!" Lal Mirch struck him hard in the stomach as she stood up and sat at another corner of the room.

"It's a rec room you ass."

"Aww… Really? Does he have PS3?" the blonde stood up in order to look in the room.

"I wouldn't go down there if Kyoya is still there."

"Speaking of which," the blonde got serious (yes, he can do that) and whispered toward Lal, "does he know?"

"'Bout…"

"You and his daddy making whoopee?" he let out a lecherous smile.

The blunette looked down and twiddled her hands. "It's complicated with a child like Kyoya. You know who his mother is, and he's got enough trust issues with women as is. Surprised he's actually dating the Chrome girl."

"Oh yeah; Russian spy for a mom must be tough. Even tougher that the day we put her away… has a child and three months after tries to stab the baby daddy in his sleep." the two of them got quiet until they heard Hibari walking upstairs. "Oh shit!"

"Sit down, dumbass, and act like nothing's going on," Lal tried to act casual as Iemitsu laid on the couch pretending to take a nap. Hibari passed up the living room and walked in; he looked at Iemitsu then Lal Mirch.

"You've heard what happened?" Lal nodded. "Do you have any info on what happened?"

"No, but if I find something out I'll let you know. I understand having something close to you shattered before your eyes…," she gritted her teeth as she thought about Colonello.

"I trust you to do so. Unlike some people," he looked over at Iemitsu, "who continue to become a useless parasite in society; I'm surprised this herbivore is still employed."

Lal smirked to that comment. "Same. Good talking to you kid." Hibari nodded at her as he returned to his room. A saddened Iemitsu looked at Lal.

"You are so mean. You could've stood up for me." The blunette shook her head as she left Iemitsu to wallow in self-pity.

**Shimon Mansion – Monday, 3:30 P.M.**

A bruised and beaten Lampo sat in the meeting room with Giotto, Cozart, G, Asari, Knuckle, and Nana. He slouched down into his seat. "The pimp is not amused."

"Pimps don't cry Lampo, so stop calling yourself one," Nana remarked. "The children can't stand take this anymore. I cannot allow Hibari to continue on about this."

"Agreed, but Alaude is just as scary, and he didn't even need to use violence to… get what he want…" Giotto's eyes hollowed out as he began having flashes… "… I'm sorry I ate the cookies mommy. It won't happen… no… no mommy no! AAAAAHHH!"

Cozart and G went back and forth slapping Giotto to get him out of his day terror. "Oh man. Thanks," the blonde rubbed his bruised cheeks.

"No problem."

"Glad to do it. Want me to do it again?" Cozart asked.

"N-No thanks."

"Good, now my son is with a chiropractor trying to fix his spine and seeing a psychologist at 5. I WANT REPRORATIONS, DAMNIT!" Cozart slams his fist on the table.

"Dude, you have to be black to get those," Lampo remarked. Everyone looked him like he was an idiot.

"You're a fucking idiot," G spoke first. "We all want the Hibaris to pay for this. It isn't right especially from some stupid motorcycle."

"I don't know, it's worth is 300 grand of work."

"WHAT!? For a motorcycle?"

"I'd be mad about it too if someone wrecked someone that expensive, but I won't be going on a killing spree if it did happen. Don't they have insurance?"

Knuckle nodded. "It's not about the money now, it's a pride thing; someone broke into their "**fortress**", and broke the **"royal chariot." **Whoever did it has the hammer coming down on them."

The men nodded as Nana was displeased. "I don't care who did what. My boy is bleeding and has pee stains on himself. I want action!"

"Yeah!"

"Come on guys!" Cozart stood up, "LETS KILL THE HIBARIS!" crickets echoed through the Shimon hall as they nervously looked around.

"… Or… WE CAN MAKE A STRONGLY WORDED LETTER DISAPPROVING THEIR ACTIONS!" Giotto sprung into the air but got the same treatment as Cozart.

"… Or we can just sit here and plead with God they don't come back…" Knuckle quietly replied as the men sat down and then agreed.

Nana sadly sighed at how nothing was getting accomplished. All of the sudden, the doors in the mansion opened as a blinding, sunny light covered the figure. He walked closer as Giotto looked over at Knuckle.

"Knuckle, did you summon an angel to defeat Alaude and Kyoya?" Giotto asked in shock.

"I-I don't extremely think so… I extremely hope I did…"

The fedora wielder walked toward the group coolly as they stared in awe. Cozart stupidly asked out loud, "are you an angel?"

Reborn simply smirked. "Luce said that after our first time." He tipped his hat as everyone recognized his face.

"Reborn!"

"The Pimp in the Fedora!" Lampo raised his pimp cup at him as Nana smacked him in the back of the head.

Reborn nervously laughed at that. "Yeah well I had to put that title away when I got married. Oh well. Once in a lifetime…"

"Why are you here?" Asari asked.

The hitman smirked. "To help, of course. What if I was to tell you **I** know who trashed Hibari's motorcycle?"

Cozart and Giotto jumped Reborn as he easily evaded him and they crashed to the ground. G stood up and yelled, "WHO DID IT! I'LL STRANGLE THE BASTARD!"

"That'd be difficult. He's a very difficult…"

"I knew it! It was Daemon!"

Reborn looked around the room as Cozart made that statement. "Huh? Daemon?"

"He's had it out for me since I kissed Elena on the cheek that one time during a greeting at Chrome's birthday party. **A GREETING OF ALL THINGS!**"

"Daemon's always been a jealous bastard," Giotto remarked. "I'm with you brother!"

The two bosses stood up and yelled, "LETS GET'EM!" and ran out the mansion. Everyone else eyed Reborn.

"Somebody should check on that."

**Spade Estate – Monday, 4:30 P.M.**

The entire Spade family sat and had an early dinner. Out of the entire Vongola and Shimon family, they were having the most quiet and safe evening. That alone made every member of the family paranoid considering what was going on.

"I, um… have something to say…" Daemon glared at Murkuro as he played with his mashed potatoes.

"Unless you got someone pregnant, we don't want to hear it."

"Daemon!" Elena yelled at him. "Go ahead Murkuro."

"Yeah, it's about what's going on with the Hibaris…" everyone's silverware had dropped as the sound echoed across the room. "I… OUCH!" Murkuro looked down at his foot as he looked up toward his father.

"He's been sending them anthrax in the mail. They caught on and I've stopped Murkuro from doing it but…"

"Anthrax!? Really? First fire, then anthrax! You're a lunatic," Murkuro yelled at Daemon.

"Wait… fire!? What are you two talking about?" Elena shut the other two up. Chrome quietly continued eating as they argued.

"Fire… for…um… the barbeque Alaude and the boys were having while we were… um… camping…"

"Bullcrap! We went to the Hibaris last night to mess with them! We didn't have anything to do with that damn motorcycle, but we… or I did something else…"

"You stupid boy!" Daemon stood up toward his son. "She didn't need to know! Your mother and sister were innocent in this monster of lies and evil until you said that. Now they'll be condemned to hell with us!"

"Mom's already going there! You guaranteed that when you put the ring on her finger!"

"Murkuro!" Elena sat shocked at her son for what she said. "What did you do? Did you touch that motorcycle? Be honest…"

"No I didn't. I was trying to get into Hibari's room so I can plant some 'evidence' that Chrome was cheating on him with Tsuna; then, I'd plant some 'evidence' in Chrome's room that Hibari was cheating on her with that Adelheid chick. They'd fight and fight until Chrome would get so upset she'd do what any enraged Spade would do: kill Hibari."

Chrome dropped her fork and knife as the room went silent. Elena and Chrome were seething with rage, but Daemon felt a sense of pride in him. "Deception, information tampering, and acts of misdirected violence… you make your papa proud," he gave his son a hug and a noogie for that. Murkuro smiled like a child on Christmas Day, but unfortunately, they didn't take notice of the women in the room.

"Murkuro, you are in a level of grounded no child will ever see the likes of; satan will look at you and say you are in a level of hell I can never survive. Not only did you try hurt that boy, you tried to hurt your sister who loves you and…"

"…Mom…"

Elena turned to Chrome. "Y-Yes sweetie?"

"C-Can I… s-say something?" she quietly spoke. Elena nodded as she turned to Murkuro. "Murkuro, I… I understand you don't like Kyoya, b-but it doesn't give you right to hurt him or me just because I'm seeing him..."

"You betrayed me when you dated the guy!" Murkuro slammed his fist on the table.

"…I-I… didn't finish talking.."

"You have no defense!"

"…b-but…" Chrome's words got quieter as Daemon eyed his daughter cautiously. He turned to Murkuro.

"You should let your sister speak…"

"Fuck that! I'm doing a good thing by getting him away from you! This relationship is an abomination that should…" Murkuro stopped talking as a fork flew by his face; it wasn't just any fork though. The fork is real.

Daemon and Elena frighteningly looked at one another. "Shit just got real."

"LISTEN PINEAPPLE HEAD! You have no right to interfere with who I'm dating! I'm sick of your stupid rivalry, and so is he! If you ever start something like this again, or get in the middle of my relationship with your bullshit, I will take that fork, tear out your intestines, boil it, and serve it at a soup kitchen as the meal of the day! It'll be called Pineapple Express and it'll be fucking delicious! DO YOU UNDERSTAND!?"

Murkuro slowly nodded. Daemon, shaking in fear, slowly reached over to his daughter's shoulder. "C-C-Chrome dear, i-if daddy c-can do something t-t-to help…"

"HERE'S HOW YOU CAN HELP! Splash some gasoline all over yourself, light a match and throw it on yourself, and run in some damn traffic because that's the only way you can be useful! You put him up to this! Better yet, don't burn yourself. Maybe I'll just go to Kyoya's and do somethings I'll regret later; somethings a father should **NEVER** know their daughter to do. On second thought, no, just go light yourself on fire, and just to be nice, put yourself under an overpass so the homeless bums living off it can finally have something to keep them warm. THEN, YOU CAN FINALLY BE FUCKING USEFUL!"

No one had noticed during Chrome's vengeful rant that Daemon had balled up in the corner of the room shakily holding up a lit torch toward Chrome. His nightmares were becoming reality; because of his son he had lost his daughter forever. Now, he would have to live the rest of his life knowing his precious Chrome was on the road to becoming a tramp.

"F-F-Fire cleanses all…"

"SHUT THE UP AND TAKE THIS USELESS BROTHER OF MINE AND GO APOLOGIZE TO THEM RIGHT NOW!"

The father-son pair ran out the house as enraged Chrome walked over to get her fork and return to her meal. Elena sat frozen as a statue as she watched her daughter continue her meal.

Chrome looked up at her quietly saying, "thanks for dinner." She continued eating the mashed potatoes as Elena stood up to get a drink of water.

"I can't believe I gave birth to that." Elena murmured under her breath.

_**CRASH!**_

Two grown men flew through the window as Chrome jumped out of her seat terrified. Elena looked over at her daughter. "Go to your room and call your uncle Giotto…"

"YOU SON OF A BITCH! YOU DOOMED US ALL AND GOT MY ENMA HURT!" Elena witnessed a fight break out between Daemon and Cozart in their dining room.

"Get off him!" she reached for a pan and came charging at Cozart.

"Elena you don't understand! He and his son trashed Kyoya's… hmpf!" Daemon kneed Cozart in the crotch and threw him back out the window.

"Damn. I always knew one day you and mean were going to get into this battle! I've been waiting to wipe the floor with you!" Daemon withdrew his scythe and began recklessly swinging at the Shimon boss who began evading it.

"Daemon stop!" as Elena ran outside she saw Giotto waving his hands up defensively against Murkuro. "Murkuro don't!"

"L-Look Murkuro. I'm not going to hit a child; we just want Daemon."

"You're not going to pass. If you want him, you'll have to get through me," Murkuro got into a fighting stance as Giotto sighed.

"Okay then; I'm going to get a lot of heat for what I'm about to do. Let this be your lesson in fighting!" As Giotto went into a stance, he yelled, "BRING IT ON!"

Murkuro, not intimidated, surprised Giotto by swiftly spinning into a roundhouse kick; the blonde took the blow unintentionally as the young mist guardian's heel dug deep in his face. Murkuro's kick had not only taken blood but a couple of teeth as the Vongola boss spun crashing to the ground. His eyes went cross eyed as he blacked out from the attack.

It took seconds for Murkuro to realize what had happened; he had defeated Vongola Primo with the world's greatest roundhouse kick! "Ken was right; you really can learn how to fight by playing King of Fighters all day." When he noticed his father having trouble hitting Enma, Murkuro yelled, "DO A ROUNDHOUSE KICK!"

Daemon looked over at Murkuro and was shocked to see Giotto on the ground. His ego couldn't be any higher at this point; however, he felt his karma dropped substantially because of this. Following his son's example, Daemon performed a lack luster roundhouse that got blocked by the Shimon boss. The red-head threw him off balance and did something magical…

Chrome walked up to her mom as she watched Enma fly off the ground with his leg spiraling into a roundhouse. Dove flew in the background as the world went into slow motion; the slice connected to Daemon's face as the Spade patriarch bounced across the lawn and into the mailbox. Both Spade women agreed that moment that Cozart Shimon's attack was majestic as he appeared to float by on the ground as if he was angel.

The Shimon boss gave out a random thumbs up. "That's right; I watch Van Damme movies too!" Cozart yelled at Murkuro as the young Spade rolled his eyes and kept kicking the Shimon boss. The two continued fighting on the lawn as the CEDEF came buzzing into the area to stop the conflict.

Chrome looked toward her mother. "Mom, are we trash?"

"No, but we're getting there." Elena watched Daemon's body lay lifeless on the ground.

**Hibari Estate – Monday, 5:00 P.M.**

Alaude was not pleased with what he heard happen in the last few hours. His rec room was a mess, the Spade residence ended up in a fight between the family and Giotto and Cozart and that happened to turn into a roundhouse competition between Cozart and Murkuro, and Reborn was once again poking his head where it doesn't belong. Didn't that man have a family? Does he really have so much free time as to stick his nose where he shouldn't?

As Alaude sat in his office drinking scotch, four knocks happened on the door. "Come in."

Lal Mirch entered his office as she noticed him already drinking. She smirked, "already? Did you really expect things to go smoothly when your son is involved?"

The platinum blonde poured her a glass as she politely took it and sat across from him. He shook his glass as he stared at the liquid move through the ice. "I need to talk to him."

"About a number of things I told you to address in a while."

"We weren't dating when you said those things, and frankly I didn't need someone childless to say such things to me," Alaude bitterly replied as Lal looked down from him. "Sorry."

"It's fine; I think I did step my bounds there, but Kyoya's old enough to know what really happened to his mom and about… us. He can't be that mad over you moving on." The blunette moved her hand over his as he interlaced their fingers together.

Alaude may not be the warmest of people, but he could show affection when needed (even if it was all done by small motions). He loved Lal's touch; it was becoming a drug he needed in his system. Six months of dating was getting to him; hidden rendezvous was not going to do it anymore. She was moving on from a commitment phobic Colonello, yet he was unable to face his son who had unresolved issues of his own. The longer he waited, the more people would get hurt through Kyoya's interrogation tactics. It was bad enough he couldn't get anything out of his guardians, but now the effects were echoing throughout the family. This was a family affair, and it was one that had done too much damage to too many people.

"Kyoya and I got close by working on cars. When he was young and asking so many questions about his mother, I couldn't tell him why she left; he wouldn't understand, and he still didn't get the idea of what mafia was. His uncle, my brother, Fon, gave me the idea to give him something else to focus on until we figured this out. At the time that fool Knuckle put an old automobile in my bedroom as an April Fool's joke. I came up to his front door and kicked him in the crotch as my joke."

Lal sighed as she walked over and sat on his lap. "We're going to have to work on your 'humor'."

Alaude merely smirked. "I didn't want to waste the machine and Kyoya liked cars and motorcycles so we worked on getting it back together in over a year. It was our 'free time'. Eventually he wanted to do another, and we did; then we did one more before he went to high school, but this one we put together was a motorcycle. He let me have it for some reason; afterwards he told me he wanted to work on something for himself, and that's when he started becoming his own man."

"A very violent one, much like his daddy, but he'll grow out of it."

"Yes, he hopefully will, but I think a part of his anger comes from his mother, and it's time I dealt with it."

"What about the motorcycle?" Alaude heard Lal's words echo through his ears as his brain went into overdrive trying to find a solution to this problem. Before he could answer there was another knock on the door.

"Father, I request an audience."

Lal and Alaude's eyes bulged as the cloud guardian silently lead his girlfriend into his private bathroom. He walked over his desk and sternly replied, "come in."

Kyoya entered the room noticing his father had been drinking. To him that only meant one thing: he had failed miserably. It was odd he had two glasses, one of them with lipstick on them. He didn't see anyone leave or passing by his office. That alone made the skylark suspicious. "No luck?"

"No, and I take it you failed as well," Alaude watched his son nod in defeat; it was rare that they both of them faced a losing battle. The best way the CEDEF boss thought to escape this situation was to change the subject, but the only one he could think about at the moment was Lal's subject about Kyoya's mother. "Kyoya, there's something we need to talk about."

The skylark sat down as his father became more serious in his tone. He couldn't help but stare at the second glass with the lipstick on it. It bothered him, and he was fixated on it. "Who was here before me?"

Lal, overhearing from the door, cursing under her breath, "shit."

Alaude was confused at that statement until he saw the glass with lipstick on it. Quickly he replied, "Oregano was here earlier with her search in the garage; she found nothing. I happened to have been drinking and decided to be… polite and offer her glass."

Kyoya's eyes squinted at that statement. He'd pass her up earlier that day; she had red gloss on her lips, not teal lipstick. "Hn."

Alaude knew Kyoya saw through his lie, but he would never go to the truth. So, he changed back to the subject he regretted. "We need to talk about…" he breathed slowly as he found it difficult to speak his mind.

"If you're going to sit there and spout bullshit to me, I don't need to hear it. I have better things to do…"

Kyoya was about to stand up before Alaude yelled, "sit down, boy! This is serious." The skylark did what he was told. "This is about your… mother…" he quietly released.

Kyoya gave his father a dark glare. "You said it was something serious, but it isn't. I'm leaving." Alaude gripped the glass in his hands as the 2nd generation cloud guardian walked out the room. The blonde walked out after him, but found he was nowhere to be seen in the hall. He reentered the office to find Lal pouring more scotch in his glass.

"…Didn't think he'd get that angry over his mother."

"He always has been suspicious about why his mother left him; it was easier to lie to him when he was three unlike now. The distraction was good for him, but somehow, I always knew that he'd begin looking into her disappearance."

Lal handed him his drink as they both sat down. "That might be why he worked on that motorcycle by himself. He needed that alone time doing something he loved and to reflect on things he couldn't talk to you about; things that he felt you were hiding from him."

Silence befell the room before the phone rang in his office. Alaude answered. "Speak."

"Master, Mr. Reborn is downstairs. He requested an audience with you. He says you might have a visitor and wishes to speak with them as well."

Alaude quietly growled. "Send him up. Tell the rest of the help I am not to be disturbed during this meeting, not even by Kyoya. Keep him busy and out of trouble."

"O-Of course sir. And may I say I-I'm worried about…"

Alaude slammed the phone down. "Reborn is coming."

"Shit. I'm outta here," Lal stood up ready to leave the room.

"You can't. He knows you're here; he wants to speak you as well."

"Aww, c'mon. I'm not even a part of this family and I'm stuck in this drama," she slumped in the chair.

Alaude smirked. "The curse of dating a Hibari."

"Jerk."

They waited a minute before Reborn arrived. He leaned against the opened door eying the two. Alaude and Lal were sitting beside each other. How cute. The hitman closed the door before speaking his mind. "I'm ending this right now."

"I can't let you do it like some spoiler on an anime episode, especially considering this is a family issue I need to resolve with my son," Alaude replied.

"Then why's she involved? Oh that's right, impress your date with a joy ride on the fastest machine you can find – your son's motorcycle," Reborn smirked as Alaude gripped his fists. "Had a friend of mine catch you speeding down the road with his girl," the fedora man looked toward Lal. "He also saw that little 'accident' you had before you jumped and crashed into that barn. Funny."

"Wait…" Lal crossed her arms, "Colonello saw us!? He's the…"

"Yup. He already knew, and told me right away, and I decided to get back at the two of you by making you sweat a bit. Didn't realize you make up a phony investigation to distract your son, but instead your son would go on a rampage and tear two mafia families apart. My godson and his friends are injured and traumatized, the Spades are fighting Giotto and Cozart like Chuck Norris and Van Damme are going up against each other, and yet you continue to go on this charade by going on your own personal attack while trying to get into Lal's pants. Have fun with Colonello's leftovers, but just end this stupid investigation and tell your son. This is stupid, and you need to tell him you two are dating."

"Reborn, Kyoya and Alaude have a lot of things to talk about and if you do this, you could be hurting a family. Please, let them resolve this before…"

"A civil war between Hibari and the Vongola happens? Yeah right. You two had your chance and did nothing. Now I have to do what I have to," Reborn got serious.

Alaude contemplated his next move. "Lal, let me speak to Reborn alone."

"Y-You sure?" Alaude nodded as Lal got up and walked past Reborn giving him a glare. She waited outside the room as they began speaking. As she stood outside the door trying to listen in, she heard footsteps and voices coming up the stairs.

"Y-Young master your father doesn't want to be disturbed he…"

"Be quiet and mind your business, herbivores," the skylark glared at the maids as they ran away from him. Lal watched Hibari close in toward his father's office. "Why are you here?"

She smirked at him. "Trying to listen to your old man putting Reborn in his place."

"They're fighting?" Lal nodded.

"It hasn't broken into anything physical… yet… I hope it doesn't. He has a really nice office."

Kyoya stared closely at Lal's lips and noticed the teal lipstick. Putting two and two together, Hibari darkly glared at Lal. When she made eye contact with him, she became nervous.

"D-Do I have a booger?" she quietly laughed at the random comment she made, but saw no change in Kyoya's facial expression.

"Are you seeing my father?" Lal's eyes widened to that question before there was an explosion erupting from Alaude's office.

Outside the mansion, Asari and Knuckle were parking their car to go inside and assist Reborn. As they left the vehicle, they saw the explosion at Alaude's office as the section of the house was covered in flames. They quickly called the fire department as many CEDEF officers escorted the help and others outside the mansion. They ran into mansion in hopes of finding Alaude, Reborn, and Kyoya.

* * *

So yeah, it got serious in the end; I've always wondered why Hibari was so angry so I thought up a story about his mom and yeah. I'll get into that further in the final issue of this story. Who would've thought it was **him** of all people? Real father/son moment coming there. The Van Damme/ Norris reference is from after I saw the Expendables 2; never saw the first one but I did like it. Surprised how little Jet Li was involved in that movie. Sad face. Cards Against Humanity is a real game and it is insanely funny in the most disturbing way. Anyway, the Emma/Cozart chapter is up next. Also, the Ryohei cop buddy chapter is coming. Very bromantic. Ryohei/Hibari bromance with minor Hibari/Chrome and father-son Ryohei/Knuckle. Until next time. Please review. Reviews are yummy.


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